Funny Quotes of Wit and Wisdom

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These funny quotes also shed light on more than a little bit of the truth in the form of witty wisdom. Famous writers and philosophers often express life's irony wrapped up as comedy and humor helps to drive the point home.

Wit and Wisdom Quotes

  • "If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed." -Lily Tomlin
  • "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." -Erica Jong
  • "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes." -Jack Handey
  • "I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!" -Tom Lehrer
  • "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." -Mark Twain
  • "A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of." -Burt Bacharach
  • "A signature always reveals a man's character—and sometimes even his name." -Evan Esar
  • "If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names." -Elbert Hubbard
  • "He who believes that the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs." -Torvald Gahlin
  • "I guess a drag queen’s like an oil painting: You gotta stand back from it to get the full effect." -Harvey Fierstein
  • "Jealousy is all the fun you think they had." -Erica Jong
  • "If we're not supposed to eat animals, how come they're made out of meat?" -Tom Snyder
  • "If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!" -Yogi Berra
  • "Instead of holding on to the Biblical view that we are made in the image of God, we come to realize that we are made in the image of the monkey." -Lin Yutang
  • "In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular." -Kathleen Norris
  • "I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown, which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
  • "People are too durable, that's their main trouble. They can do too much to themselves, they last too long." -Bertolt Brecht
  • "Don’t look back, something might be gaining on you." -Satchel Paige
  • "In my day, we couldn’t afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In the winter we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction." -Bill Flavin
  • "If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers." -Doug Larson