What to say to the cute person you don't know

Friends talking on park bench.
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You see her every day at the gym and you think she's hot. You'd like to talk to her, but you don't know what to say or even if she is lesbian or bi. How do you approach someone you don't know and what do you say to them?

Difficulty: Hard

Time Required: Five minutes

Here's How:

  1. If she is someone you see every day in class or every week at church, you automatically have an in. You're around each other and you have something in common. Simply go up to her, say "I see you here all the time and I wanted to say hi."
  2. Tell her your name. See if she tells you hers. If so, that's a sign that she's somewhat interested.
  3. If she doesn't tell you her name, ask it anyway. Remember this so you can use it next time you see her. People are impressed when you remember their names and use it. (Unless you're a used car salesman.)
  4. Smile. You'll be surprised at how far a smile will get you.
  5. Keep the conversation light, but find something to talk to her about. "I missed class on Tuesday, do you have notes?" Or "What kind of cookie is that? It looks good."
  6. Ask some kind of question that will let you know when you might see her around again. "Are you coming to spinning class on Friday?" "I hear there's going to be a great author here next week, think you'll come back?"
  7. Look for signs that she wants to engage with you. Does you look you in the eye, or are her eyes looking over your shoulder, trying to find an escape? Does she engage back with you, or just answer your questions?
  8. Tell her it was nice meeting her and you hope to run into her again. That lets her know that you are interested, but isn't too creepy.
  9. If you're the bold type go ahead and say something flirtatious. Like, "I couldn't help but notice the color or your eyes. They're beautiful." or "I noticed you from across the room and I wanted to come and say hello." Chances are even if she's not a lesbian, she will feel good about the compliment. But you should be prepared for rejection if she is not.
  10. Later on, as you get to know her, you can try to figure out if she is a lesbian or bisexual.
  11. If you're extra bold and feel pretty confident that she's a lesbian, you can ask for her number or ask if she'd like to get together some time.
  12. Ready to take the next step and ask her out on a date? Here's how to ask a girl out on a date.


  1. You might need to abort the strategy at any point if you're getting a sense that she is not interested.
  2. It's easier to approach someone who is by herself than with a group. Wait until she walks away from her friends for a moment and approach her then. (Don't be creepy about it, like follow her to the bathroom.)

What You Need:

  • Self-Confidence
  • Courage