What to Do With Friends Who Can't Compromise?

Dealing With Stubborn Friends

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Question: What to Do With Friends Who Can't Compromise?

I enjoy hanging out with a friend of mine, but whenever we get together it's all about her. She insists on meeting at places she picks, she has to decide the time we meet, it always has to be at her end of town, and I'm not sure she's really my friend. Wouldn't she want to meet me halfway at least part of the time?

A: Ideally, friendships should be about give and take in everything, including the logistics of when you get together.

But it rarely works that way for all things. It sounds like your friend is really comfortable in this routine you both have of meeting at her pleasure. But you're right, it's not fair to you to always go to her. Sometimes she has to come to you.

In the truest meaning of friendship, there is reciprocation. This means that someone wants to be your friend and will show that they do. They can do this a number of different ways, but the thing you bring up here is a good point. Without knowing her, it sounds as if your friend is very controlling. It's her way or no way. However, unless you've discussed this with her, you can't assume.

Talk It Over With Your Friend
This is a classic example of something seemingly small that can derail a friendship eventually. Don't let little annoyances build to the point where they explode into a much larger problem.

This particular issue, for instance, probably began with a few suggestions to meet.

You don't say whether your suggested meeting on your end of town, but since you say she "insists on meeting at places she picks," I'll assume for the sake of this discussion that you have. Since you've already made the suggestion to meet somewhere else (and closer to where you're located), now you have to ask her why she won't do it.

Suggest something one more time, and add that it would be nice for her to come by you.

If she says she doesn't want to, and once again insists on meeting by her, ask why she won't meet you halfway. Her desire to remain in control of things may mask a bigger issue in your friendship.

What If She Won't Budge
If she absolutely refuses to meet you after your discussion, you have two choices. You can continue seeing her on her terms, or you can move on from the friendship. Start this with the next time she requests that you come to her. Tell her you cannot because you can't make the trip. She may realize she was being unreasonable and change her mind about driving to where you are. If she doesn't, perhaps she wasn't willing to be a real friend.