What Can I Do If I Don't Want to Be Gay?

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Question: What Can I Do If I Don't Want to Be Gay?

Are you a GLBT teen who has ever thought, "I don't want to be gay?" If so, you aren't alone!


A teen writes:

"Well, I guess I'll come all out. I have always wanted a "normal" life. A wife, kids... dog named Lucky. :) But, recently, I have been feeling something for other guys. (I'm 13, by the way.) I don't want to be gay or bisexual, but it's not like I hate them or anything, which brings something else up. You know that college student who killed himself? I mentioned that to my mom, and she even said that she doesn't exactly agree with gay / lesbian / bi / trans people. Anyway, the point is, I want a regular family. But I have feelings for guys. Not like "Wow, I want to have sex with you," but I think some are....cute / handsome. Basically, I'm hoping that this is just some sort of a phase thing. I keep trying to ignore it. I don't want to be gay / bi. Anybody have some nice, helpful advice?"

It is really common for kids to question their sexual orientation and some kids ultimately realize that they are straight. However, for a lot of others, being attracted to someone of the same sex isn't a "phase."

It's really common for GLBT teens who are struggling with their identity to feel like they don't want to be gay. But ultimately, you simply can't change your sexual orientation and try to do so can be really harmful to your mental health.

Though you might fear that being gay or bisexual means you can't enjoy family life as an adult, that's not true! Plenty of GLBT individuals create families with the same sex spouse, and it is definitely possible to be a gay parent. Just look at Cam and Mitchell, the gay dad's on the TV show Modern Family!

It's too bad that your mom has made negative comments about GLBT life, especially in the context of a young person's suicide. But keep in mind that your mom just might not know about GLBT life. Luckily, there are support groups like Parents and Friends of Gays and Lesbians ​(PFLAG) specifically designed to help parents of GLBT kids.

It's not surprising that you feel like you don't want to be gay in a world where a lot of people still treat the GLBT community like second-class citizens, and where high school hallways are filled with gay jokes and bullying of gay students. Hopefully, you know that there is nothing wrong with being gay. You are who you are hopefully soon you will feel good about whoever that person turns out to be!