What Are the Top Newlywed Mistakes?

Mistakes That Newlyweds Make

As a newlywed, you are immersed in learning about creating a successful marriage. There will be good times and bad, that's all part of the marriage process. What are the top 20 mistakes newlyweds make, and what can you do when you falter? We've rounded up some common mishaps and added wisdom to take into consideration.

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Failing to Think Beyond the Wedding

Couple sitting on sofa talking and drinking wine
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Some couples get so wrapped up in the wedding festivities that they fail to comprehend what they’re getting themselves into. You’re married. The party was probably a lot of fun, but it was one day. Now, you have to live together, get along, and form your own family. Enjoy the wedding planning and the afterglow of your big day – from watching the video to reminiscing with friends – but keep the big picture in your head at all times; that's your life as a couple.

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Trying to Change Your Spouse

Presumably, you married your spouse because you are in love with him or her. If that’s the case, then there’s no good reason for changing your spouse. Frankly, most adults don’t drastically change, so your best bet is to accept your spouse and love him or her for the ways he or she is unique and different and not in spite of those things. 

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Getting Off on the Wrong Foot with Your In-Laws

If the damage has already been done, do whatever you can to improve the relationship you have with your in-laws. Be the first to extend the olive branch because the only person who gets hurt when you fight with the in-laws is your spouse, who feels caught in the middle.

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Letting Emotions Win

Getting aggressive or yelling and screaming is not going to help you and your spouse resolve problems or differences of opinion. Rational, calm discussion will get your farther. 

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Avoiding Important Discussions

No one likes to talk about difficult subjects like how to handle money, what to do if you can’t have children, or how to prepare for a death in the family. Now that you’re married, however, you have no choice but to discuss these matters. Be an adult and discuss it all with your spouse. Seek counsel if the subject requires it, but don’t just ignore the issues.

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Fighting Over Silly Stuff

Every married person has argued with his or her spouse over something that seems unimportant. Save your arguments for more important subjects. Let these pet peeves remain as simple pet peeves. 

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Being Jealous

Your spouse has already chosen you for life. If he or she has always been trustworthy, you should not even bother with jealousy, because it is poisonous to a relationship.

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Acting Like You Are Still Single

Now is the time to grow up. Hanging out with your friends all night and going to clubs was all right when you were a single person with no one waiting for you at home. Now you’ll need to negotiate how much time to spend with friends and how to maintain your former friendship while balancing that with your marriage.

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Being Too Proud

A spouse who holds out for an apology after every argument always has to win, or denies his or her spouse affection is doing nothing good for the marriage. He or she is letting pride get in the way of resolving problems and loving his or her spouse. You must allow yourself to get softer and find a way to take responsibility for your own actions.

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Spending Too Little Time Together

You need to tend to your marriage as though it’s a flower. Without giving it necessities such as quality time, it will never grow. Therefore, you have to manage your schedule, so that you spend quality time with your spouse.

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Rushing Into Having Children

Some couples don’t give themselves enough time to be married to each other. If you can wait to have children, you should consider it because you’ll never have this time alone again. Once children arrive, they will have to be the focus of your attention. 

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Going Into Debt

Managing bills and debt can put a strain on a new marriage. If you are already in debt, make a plan to pay it off. Stay on budget, get your finances in order, and you’ll probably fight less. If nothing else, you’ll sleep better at night.

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Having Unrealistic Expectations

If you think marriage is always a walk in the park, you have another thing coming. There will be hard times. It takes a while to get the hang of living with the person you love and making the relationship work. Don’t think that the problems you had before you walked down the aisle are simply going to disappear because you’re married. They won’t. Some problems never will go away. It’s how you deal with them that counts.

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Letting Resentment Build

Never let things fester. If something is really bothering you, say so. The worst thing you can do is allow resentment for your spouse to build inside you. It tears apart your love. Instead, talk through your feelings.

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Being Insensitive to Your Spouse's Feelings

In time, you will learn to anticipate some of your spouse’s reactions. Don’t make light of them. Don’t judge them. Simply accept them and do what you can to comfort your spouse in the way that he or she needs to be comforted.

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Making Decisions Without Consulting Your Spouse

There are two people in your relationship. When you were single, you might have made decisions about where to go after work, what vacations to take, and how to spend your money without discussing it with anyone. Now, however, your decisions have an impact on your spouse, too. He or she has a right to have input in these choices.

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Being Intolerant of Your Spouse's Differences

When you marry someone, you are accepting him or her as is. It’s not fair, nor is it worth the time and energy, to get angry about minuscule things.

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Not Giving Each Other Enough Space

Everyone needs time for themselves. Find a quiet place or do something you love all on your own. Give your spouse the chance to do the same.

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Taking Your Partner for Granted

Remembering all the reasons you love your spouse and appreciating the little things he or she does takes some work. But it’s an integral part of building a strong marriage. Once you start to forget or simply expect your spouse to do certain things for you, he or she may feel unappreciated and you could start having problems.

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Abandoning Your Sex Life

Marriage does not have to mean the end of good sex. Maintaining sexual health is an intrinsic part of marriage, keeping things interesting and making sure you and your spouse are satisfied. When problems do arise, you should address them and do what you can to improve the situation.