10 Ways Blame Negatively Impacts Marriage

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Blaming other people or circumstances seem to be the way some people deal with conflict or unpleasant situations in marriage. When I think about a climate of blame in a marital relationship, I think of the negative effect it has on a marriage.


Below are 9 ways blame during marital problems can negatively impact a marriage:


1. Fear of taking a risk. For marriages to succeed, we have to risk being hurt, risk being wrong and risk trusting our spouse.

The constant need to blame a spouse for problems in the marriage lessens one's willingness to take a risk on the marriage.

2. Fear of taking responsibility.

3. Fear of making a decision. My ex wouldn't choose a movie we saw or a restaurant we ate at. Why? Becuase, if the movie was bad or the food uneatable, no one would be able to blame him!

4. Fear of offering a different opinion. God forbid a spouse express an opinion! What if that opinion is wrong and it leaves the door open for the other spouse to point fingers and blame. Constant blame causes a spouse to shut down and stop participating in the marriage. 

5. Feelings of resentment. If you're constantly being blamed for a problem, resentment is going to build. What happens when resentment builds? Intimacy breaks down and, so do marriages. 

6. Increaded emotional stress. Dumping all the blame for problems off onto the other spouse causes an increase in emotional stress and physical stress.

You do your marriage and your spouse great harm if you can't take responsibility when the responsibility is yours. 

7. Decreased desire to communicate. Who wants to talk to someone who points fingers, refuses to listen and blames, blames, blames?

8. A sense powerlessness and discouragement. If one spouse understands the importance of working through marital problems and the other reverts to blaming instead of finding solutions, the more pro-active spouse is going to eventually begin to feel powerless and discouraged when it comes to solving problems in the marriage.


9. Decreased passion and intimacy.Who wants to have sex or be emotionally intimate with a spouse who constantly blames them for everything? If you are a blamer, don't be surprised when your spouse distances themselves from you in the bedroom.  

10. Blame in marital relationships causes despair, feelings of powerlessness and unhappiness for the spouse on the receiving end of all that blame.

Blame Protects One Spouse and Damages The Other:

Blame allows a spouse to put responsibility on their mate and everything other than himself/herself. It means your spouse doesn’t have to experience the discomfort of looking at their own faults or take responsibility for the situation. If a spouse doesn’t have to look at their own faults or take responsibility that means they don’t have to change. It is the other person who needs to change…with the problems and the blaming spouse can stay in their comfort zone.

Abraham Maslow said, “One can spend a lifetime assigning blame, find the cause 'out there' for all the troubles that exist. Contrast this with the 'responsible attitude' of confronting the situation, bad or good, and instead of asking, 'What caused the trouble? Who was to blame?' asking 'How can I handle this present situation to make the most of it?

What can I salvage here?”

Next time your spouse blames you instead of taking responsibility tell him/her they are failing to have a responsible attitude. And, in doing so, are failing to get the most they can out of the situation.

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