6 Ways A Spouse Uses Threats To Intimidate

Afraid of your spouse? Here are six reasons why.

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Does Your Spouse Intimidate You With Threats And Hurtful Words?

In-tim-I-date

1. to make timid; fill with fear.
2. to overawe or cow, as through the force of personality or by superior display of wealth, talent, etc.
3. to force into or deter from some action by inducing fear.

When someone uses threats to intimidate they are attempting to break your will and take your power away from you. The intimidating spouse tries to create fear in their victim.

This is a form of covert abuse. There is no physical violence, just words meant to destroy you psychologically and cause you to doubt your own perception of reality.

 

Here are 6 examples of how one spouse may try to intimidate the other:

 

1. Not allowing you to finish a sentence. The intimidator does not want his/her spouse to be able to express their thoughts or feelings. The intimidator is superior to you and knows better than you. So, why listen to you or, why take the chance of allowing you to express a point that may take away his/her feelings of superiority?

A spouse who constantly interrupts you with a better idea or a reason your idea won't work is attempting to intimidate and teach you that your opinion is of no value in their eyes. 

2. Verbally attacking instead of communicating. What better way to put someone in their place than to verbally abuse them? This is an attempt to dominate.

The intimidator owns you, you must be taught that their will comes before your own. Civil communication is a foreign concept to the intimidator. 

Calling a spouse stupid, an idiot or things worse sends a clear message that they are thought little of. Using negative names to label a spouse makes the intimidator feels superior and the victim inferior.

If this is done by a spouse that is loved, it can have long-term effects on the victim's view of themselves and their value as a thinking, logical person. It's a haunting way to live inside a marriage. 

3. Uses a sincere tone to get what they want. The intimidator can be a sweet talker when it comes to getting something he/she wants. Beware, though, if you don’t agree he/she will lower the boom. The intimidator can go from sweet talker to screaming meany in no time at all.

I once witnessed a woman coyly ask her husband for an expensive piece of jewelry while shopping. She was dripping with honey while attempting to manipulate and get what she wanted. Once she realized he wasn't going to buy the jewelry she went off the wall angry. She went off the wall angry and made a scene in the shop and turned an ugly wrath on her husband. I have to give him credit, though. He turned around and walked out of the shop, leaving her seething. I suppose over the years he has learned to put space between himself and his intimidator.  

4. Humiliating you in front of others. The intimidator loves nothing more than putting you down in front of others. It can be in the form of a loving “tease” or down right mean.

For example, you are at a dinner party, the hostess has set a beautiful table. The intimidator looks your way and says, “you should get xxxx to teach you how to set a table like this.” This is a backhanded way of complimenting the hostess while also putting you down.

5. Keeps you confused about EVERYTHING. You don’t know which way is up. The intimidator says one thing, then does another. The intimidator requests something and then complains when you give him/her what was requested. You never really know how the intimidator feels or what he/she truly needs from you.

6. Makes the rules and insists you follow them. The intimidator “wears the pants’ in the family. They lay down the law and expect you to follow their law. If not, you suffer the consequences. Only thing, the laws don’t apply to the intimidator.

The intimidator is above the laws!

Intimidation can be very subtle. Maybe your spouse is always “shocked” at the way you handle life. Maybe it is as simple as the way your spouse sits or stands when communicating with you. It could be a certain look your spouse gives.

It can be as severe as physical violence, hurtful words, and threats to your loved ones. Intimidation is done to teach you that you and your needs don’t matter. And, the first step in breaking away from the intimidator is to fully realize that you matter as much as he/she.

More Content About Emotional Abuse:

Does Your Spouse Call You Names?
Does Your Spouse Use Words to Shame You?
Does Your Spouse Yell, Swear and Scream at You?
Does Your Spouse Blame You for Their Bad Behavior?
Does Your Spouse Dismiss Your Feelings?
Is Your Marriage Making You Sick?
Is Your Spouse Verbally Manipulating You?