10 Things You Can Do To Pick Up More Gay Men

Two men getting in a taxi
VisitBritain/Melody Thornton/Getty Images

Have you ever seen a super-hot guy wander off with someone you wouldn’t give the time of day? That’s because the art of seduction has a lot more to do with social skills than with naked physical attraction. It’s not 30 pounds you need to lose to pick up more men—it’s your inner fears.

Approach a Lot of Guys

To get started in the pick-up game, you need to go where gay men are and learn to approach them. And not just one or two guys, but many guys. If you can't strike up a conversation, you don’t have a chance to pick up and eventually seduce someone you’re attracted to.

Don’t Hesitate

Nothing conveys indecision and nervousness like hesitation. Indecision and nervousness are not attractive traits. So practice the three-second rule: train yourself to approach your target within three seconds of seeing him.

Learn Some Approaches

An approach is an excuse—any excuse—to start a conversation with someone: “How do I get to Hyatt Hotel?” “There’s some lint on your collar.” “I noticed something about you…” The easiest of all approaches is simply to smile and say “hi.” Forget about pickup lines like “I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.”—they’re phony, convey too much sexual interest, and leave you no place to take the conversation.

Have an Opener

Once you've exchanged a few words develop openers or standard conversational ploys that will attract your target. Try something startling: “That wasn’t your car on fire in the parking lot, was it?” “Did you see those two guys fighting outside?” Or get an opinion: “Hey, can I ask you a question? What's the best way to get revenge on an ex? This guy I know…” Develop your opener into a little routine by adding vivid details (“One fireman was so hunky that…”) Get your target involved and keep him engaged until he gives signs of starting to relax. Sometimes it helps to give the opener a time constraint so that he thinks you’ll shortly be on your way (“I’ve got to go find my friend, but…)

Learn Disinterested Interest

Keep him off balance when he suspects you’re trying to pick him up. This allows time for his attraction to develop. Keep talking in a friendly way while pretending you’re not really that interested sexually.

Don't Compliment—Neg

Since compliments (“I love your smile!”) give away your attraction, throw them in the dustbin with the pick-up lines. Instead, learn to neg. Negging is the art of giving a half-compliment, setting up a dissonance in your pick-up target. Examples: “I love your smile—are you wearing braces?” “That’s a nice shirt—did you get it at the outlet mall?” “I’ve never seen hair like that before.” The neg should always sound friendly and positive and only subliminally be insulting. Negsexcite your subject by sending contradictory signals spinning in his brain and creating excitement he will be intrigued to resolve.

Demonstrate Your Social Value

When you meet a guy, don’t stop talking—just stop talking aimlessly. Learn to be funny and entertaining and cast yourself in a positive light in the stories you tell. Tell him about the time you went camping and scared away the bear, or how great your new gym routine is making you feel. Talk about ex-boyfriends or hang a “friend” around your shoulder to demonstrate that others think you’re attractive. In other words, give him enough ammunition to justify an attraction toward you. Once an attraction develops, you’ll see the signals in his eyes and body language.


Without touching there is no sex. To get the ball rolling, touch early and often. Make sure your touches are sensual and motivating, not crude sexual pawing. Examine his cool wristwatch. Flatten his mussed-up collar. Slap away his too-familiar fingers. Read his palm. Test his kiss-ability quotient. Your fleeting touches will leave him begging for more.

Isolate, Move, Develop Rapport

At some point in the evening, he may end up in your bedroom. You can accelerate the process by leading him to a neutral location away from his friends. Continue developing rapport and sexual interest. Invite him to a quiet corner of the bar, outside for a breath of air or to a nearby pizza place. Then invite him back to your place.

Make Him a Sexual Co-Conspirator

It takes two to tango. Back at your pad, ask him to pick out some soft music, or turn down the lights, or massage your back. Let him be your partner in setting up the sex scene. You might both be surprised by what develops naturally. Make him feel at ease and develop things naturally.

Watch Now: 9 Steps to Drama Free Friendships