The Bottom Diet

Man at Kitchen Table
The Bottom Diet. Judith Haeusler/Getty

Here is a tricky question for most gay men who enjoy anal sex: how to have a clean bottom to avoid unpleasant surprises? Some gay men chose to clean their bottoms with some sophisticated sex toys, but all that work can be avoided with a simple, yet patient task: a diet.

The result of what happens down there is mainly a result of what we eat, and there are some foods that can easily lead to disastrous consequences (specially processed food, which is the worst you can do to yourself).

Eating healthy should not be just a choice for bottoming but a choice for yourself and your body. The right diet will allow clean fun and a healthier body.

So what should you eat for an amazing outcome?

One word is key: fibres.

Fibres are one of the most essential ingredients to the digestive cycle. They are carbohydrates that do not provide energy and can’t be digested, but they help on the proper function of the intestine. There are two forms of fibres: soluble and insoluble.

The soluble fibre gives fluidity to the faeces, this way avoiding constipation and hemorrhoids (it also helps avoiding flatulence). This fibre absorbs the water and swell in the stomach inhibiting the absorption of glucose (sugar) and lipids. Also the water absorption keeps the faeces from becoming to dry. Peas, dry fruit like oats and nuts, and fruits such as apples and bananas are a great source of soluble fibres.

Insoluble fibres on the other hand do not absorb water and they accelerate the work of the intestine also avoiding constipation.

  Vegetables, wheat bran, cereals, soybeans and whole grains are an excellent source of these kinds of fibres.

Now, fibre must be ingested throughout the day to ensure a stable digestive cycle. You can balance your meals by eating some fruit in between, or before, and ensure that you eat fibre on your meals: lots of vegetables, lettuce and rocket.

A breakfast rich in fruit and oatmeal or some yoghurt for example is a good way to balance your digestion during the day.

Always remember that by eating the fruit truly means eating, not just drinking its juice – the fibres in fruit are basically concentrated in their body.

Pay attention to these 2 foods that you MUST avoid if you wish your bottom to be ready for some action:

Red meat – although full of protein, most meats are very greasy and takes the body a lot of energy to digest

Pepper – Most of the times our bodies do not have any chemical capacity to digest strong peppers, which means they come out the same way they got in. It helps worsen haemorrhoids.

One final point: don’t forget to drink a lot of water, between 1 to 2 litres per day. Water is essential for your body and without it the fibres will not flow as well. 

So there you go! Keep your diet full of fibre and you will ready to have some clean anal sex. Always remember, the main function of the anus is to serve as a channel for the release of faeces. So it is good that you and your partner are aware that s*it happens (literally). And if it does, is nothing more than human nature working normally.