These Teacher Jokes Should Be Essential Reading for Educators

Teaching is one of the most underappreciated lines of work, yet there's no denying how important teachers are in any society. Let's face it, without the ever-patient teachers of the world we'd have even more uneducated buffoons leaving inappropriate comments on Facebook, and nobody wants that. Nobody.

Since teaching is a tough endeavor, it really helps if one can maintain a sense of humor while on the job. Some educators incorporate funny lessons into their curriculum, but others need a little help in the form of funny one liner jokes. Here are a few good jokes to add to your humor arsenal for those days (weeks, months...) when you really need a smile.

Very "Punny" Jokes

What do you call a teacher who can't control her pupils?
Cross-eyed.

What do you call a teacher who forgets to take attendance?
Absent-minded.

What do you call a teacher who refuses to fart in class?
A private tooter.

What do you say to comfort an English teacher?
There, they're, their.

What do you get when you cross a teacher with a vampire?
Blood tests.

What kind of food do math teachers prefer?
Square meals.

Why did the student take a ladder to school on his first day?
Because he was going to high school.

If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower, then what do teachers come on?
The scholar ships. 

Where does the geometry teacher send students when they complain of being cold?
Into the corner where it's ninety degrees.

In grade school, I had a math teacher named Mrs. Baker.
I still don't understand why she taught us that 6 + 6 equals 13.

My teacher told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.
Joke's on her. So far I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely.

Jokes That State the Obvious

What do you call a teacher without students?
Happy.

What's the difference between a teacher and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Name two reasons why someone would go into teaching.
July and August.

Teachers deserve a lot of credit.
Of course, if we paid them more they wouldn't need so much credit, but whatever.

If we're going to arm the teachers...
I hope they give the librarians silencers.

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail....
But apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.
She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

As a kid my parents used to say, "Excuse my French" just after a swear word.
Cut to the first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.

It turns out my high school chemistry teacher was right....
Alcohol IS a solution.

Witty Retorts? Yeah, We've Got Those

Chemistry teacher: "Did you know protons have mass?"
Student: "I didn't even know protons were Catholic."

Teacher asks, "If I had 6 oranges in one hand and 7 apples in the other, what would I have?"
Student: "Really big hands!"

After an exam the teacher said to me, "I hope I didn't see you looking at John's answers."
I said, "I hope so too."

Teacher asked the class, "What's the longest sentence you can think of?"
Someone piped up from the back and said, "Life imprisonment."

I told teacher, "I don't think I deserved a zero for this exam."
She said, "I agree, but I couldn't give you any less."

Teacher: "Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it."
Johnny: "I is..."
Teacher: "No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'."
Johnny: "Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."

A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is.
A student puts up his hand and says "G." The teacher walks over to him and asks, "Why is that, Angus?"

Check out these funny teacher memes for more "edu-ma-cational" hilarity.