How To Survive the First Few Years of Marriage

Photo: Kevin Mackintosh / Getty Images
Photo: Kevin Mackintosh / Getty Images

Studies show that couples who lose the romance in their marriage during the first two years are more likely to eventually divorce!  Being a newlywed comes with its own unique stressors.  For instance, figuring out boundaries with friends and family, learning how to budget together, trying for a baby and living together (if you did not already cohabitate).  

Here's How to Help Your Marriage Thrive:

Be prepared for the honeymoon blues. 

There might be a big let-down after the excitement of the wedding and an amazing honeymoon. Getting back into the reality of your regular day-to-day life can be hard for some. Stay positive about the future you both have together.

Don't let romance become a low priority.

Continue with date nights, going out and having fun. This is bound to change once you have a baby if that's in your future goals, So especially for now, no laying on the couch every weekend! 

Discover ways to have fun together.

All relationships, regardless of length, need novelty and fun.  

Discuss the big issues like money, in-laws, chores, and sex.

These are not so wonderful topics to address, but nonetheless, they are necessary at times.  The focus is to compromise and create a balance you both agree to. Do not avoid these issues and let them build up and cause resentment. 

Talk about your expectations with one another. 

Your expectations should be realistic. It is a myth to think that one sole individual can meet all your needs.  If you believe this, then you are sure to be let down.  Think about what is most important to you or what no one else can do other than your spouse. 

Learn about one another's family of origin.

Discuss what is important to you from the family you came from.  Also think about what you do not want to do. What aspects of your parent's relationship did you like or not like?  How have they influenced you? If you came from a divorced family, how do you think this will impact you in your own marriage? 

Fight, but do fight fairly. Do not avoid conflict. 

Conflict avoidance leads to disconnection.  You must have many more good interactions than bad, but understand that fighting is not necessarily a bad thing.  There is no way possible for two different people to agree one-hundred percent on everything all the time. 

Learn how to compromise. 

"I" is now "we." Compromise will be your friend in marriage!

Deal with your differences

There is a very good chance you were drawn to your spouse because of particular trait that will later drive you crazy!  Just remember that at one time you did adore it at one time. Learn to embrace it again as chances are it is here to stay! 

Apologize when you hurt your spouse.

Apologies go a long way if you are sincere. Do not be stubborn about it. If you hurt your partner, even if you think it is ridiculous, you should offer an apology.

Forgive your spouse when you are apologized to.

Do not hold grudges! This is bad for you and the marriage. 

Remember to be patient and enjoy the journey!


  1. Things will change once you are married even though you may have lived together, took trips together, shared a bank account together, slept together, and/or made major purchases together.
  2. Be prepared for the subtle changes that occur because now you have made a life-long commitment to one another.
  3. The major issues newlywed couples often face are finances, in-laws, expectations, conflict, communication and sex.

What You Need:

  • Commitment
  • Kindness
  • Respect
  • Loyalty
  • Sense of Humor
  • Time Together
  • Emotional risk-taking

You may also like to read: 15 Ways to Tell if Your Marriage Has What It Takes to Last

Article updated by Marni Feuerman