Is it Normal for a Straight Female to Be Attracted to FTM Transgender Man?

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Challenging Your Own Expectations

When the person you are attracted to is not who you expected to be into, this can bring up a lot of emotions. 

A reader wrote in and asked, 

"I am a 20 year-old female, and I consider myself to be straight, and although have a few fantasies about women.

I feel like they are more curiosities than real sexual or romantic attraction. I have recently become friends with a FTM transgender man, and I find myself very sexually (although not romantically) attracted to him.

The fact that I am attracted to him makes me very uncomfortable. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice to help me approach what I am feeling, and process this within my own concept of my identity as a straight woman."

What Does This Mean for Your Own Identity?

Being in situations that challenge your identity and sense of self can be pretty confusing.

If this is a new experience for you, you should know that while being a attracted to someone who is FTM can be a sign that your sexual orientation is broader than you thought and you might be interested in learning about what it means to be pansexual, it also doesn't have to.

You might simply be a straight woman into this person who happens to be an FTM man and it could just be that you have been able to broaden the definition of the type of men you find attractive and that you are open to different types of people. 

Bodies Don't a Gender Make

Sometimes we get hung up on people's bodies and if a person's body doesn't conform to what we assume male or female bodies to look like, we might make assumptions about their gender identity. 

But while "sex” is biological, “gender” is psychological.

As a result, our sexual orientations tend to line up with our gender identities, not our biological sexes and what our bodies look like as a result.  

Some transgender people make changes to their bodies through gender confirmation surgeries or other means. Others don't. But either way, that is a really personal thing that doesn't change someone's gender identity.

 

Understanding the Difference Between Sex, Gender and Sexual Orientation

There are a few things you should know about gender, sex and sexual orientation that can help you make sense of your feelings.

Sexual orientation refers to being being gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual, pansexual, or heterosexual. This is our romantic and sexual attraction to other people.

Sex refers to our biological and chromosomal make-up.

Gender Gender refers to the behavioral, cultural, and psychological traits typically associated with males and females. However this view is limiting since people can be male, female, transgender,genderqueer , gender non-binary,gender non-conforming, or agender, for example. 

The Puzzle of Attraction

Attraction is a complicated thing that we can't always explain. And  when we are attracted to people who  challenge certain ideas we have about ourselves and who we find appealing, it can bring up different feelings. But being open to new feelings can be a really positive thing and can help you live a richer life.