Entertainment Love and Romance What to Do If Your Spouse Won't Cook Now and Then How to Set Up a Cooking Schedule Share PINTEREST Email Print Hero Images/Getty Images Love and Romance Relationships Sexuality Divorce Teens LGBTQ Friendship By Sheri Stritof Writer University of Nevada, Las Vegas Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. our editorial process Sheri Stritof Updated February 17, 2017 If you are bothered by the fact that your spouse won't or doesn't want to cook a meal now and then, here are suggestions on how to deal with this issue. First, don't use the word "help" in your conversations about this issue. Asking for help gives the impression that cooking is your job and not a chore that needs to be shared. Don't nag. Find out why your spouse won't cook. Could it be caused by inferiority, a could care less about cooking attitude, thinks that food is not that important, can't taste the difference between a jar of spaghetti sauce and homemade spaghetti sauce, thinks it isn't his/her job, hates cooking, views cooking as a waste of time, is lazy, etc? Once you know the bottom line of your spouse not wanting to have anything to do with cooking, talk about how the two of you can compromise on the issue. If your spouse refuses to cook, make a plan that you can live with. Perhaps you'll cook three nights a week and order in, eat out, or nuke frozen TV dinners on the other four nights. Decide on a schedule. You can decide on perhaps two nights each with three nights of ordering in or dining out, or maybe each of you agree to cook three nights a week with one night to eat out some place special. Some couples set aside one weekend a month to cook together and freeze quite a few meals for the month. Be flexible. Holidays, illness, working overtime, getting together with friends or family, vacations, etc. will interfere with your schedule. Agree to set some ground rules for the kitchen. Examples: When one cooks, the other cleans the kitchen. When one cooks, the other stays out of the kitchen. The one who cooks decides on the menu. Accept that if your spouse prefers unadventurous meals, that is what he/she will cook. If your spouse likes to be experimental in preparing meals, that is what you will have to eat when it is his/her turn to cook. Don't be a gatekeeper. When your spouse is in the kitchen, don't expect him/her to cook or do things your way. If your spouse doesn't follow through and cook on his/her assigned night, then order food you know your spouse doesn't particularly like or fix yourself and the kids a sandwich or a cup of soup. Don't prepare so much food that your mate could also eat that evening. The natural/logical consequence of not cooking when it is your turn to cook is not having a nice meal that night.