Should Your Husband Go to a Strip Club?

neon sign for topless entertainment
Ron Koeberer/Aurorav

Question: 

I recently found out my husband went to a strip club with his buddies. At first, he lied to me about it because he knew I didn’t want him to go. Some people say, “Boys will be boys and the strip club is a part of that.” But I have told him that I don’t want him going to strip clubs. I feel like he’s betraying me. And it doesn’t seem necessary for a married man to hang out with half dressed women giving him lap dances.

What should I do?

Answer:

Strip clubs tend to be a gray area for many couples. Some husbands and wives go to the clubs together and think of it as a way to spice up their sex life. Some women don’t mind if their husbands go with their friends to the strip club, and others are dead set against it. Each couple has to make its own decision about what is right. 

The reader asking the question above is against strip clubs. She does not want her husband to go to one, and she has the right to have this opinion. Her husband made one major mistake. He lied to her. To build trust in a marriage, you have to be honest with one another. Once you start lying about things, you are putting that trust at risk. It hardly seems worth it to lose your wife’s trust for a lap dance from a stranger dressed like a naughty schoolgirl.

Now, this couple has some work to do. They need to calmly discuss what upset the wife and why the husband chose to go to the strip club and lie to her.

Then, the husband will have to work at regaining the trust of his wife. The work will be similar to what couples face after an affair.  For starters, he’ll have to be honest with her and cut out all the lies.

If you and your spouse are disagreeing about whether strip clubs are all right or a betrayal to your marriage, then you should sit down and have a serious talk about it.

Sometimes, these kinds of outings are part of a bachelor or bachelorette party, and you might feel obligated to go to the strip club to show support for a friend or relative.

The bottom line is that this husband going to a strip club against his wife's wishes needs to be more sensitive and considerate. If your spouse feels like ogling or touching strippers is a violation of your marriage vows, then you need to take that message seriously. You made a commitment to your wife for a lifetime. These strippers are but for a moment. If this is just about looking cool to your friends, then you have to reevaluate your priorities. 

Your wife should always be your number one priority. If she does not like the idea of you going to a strip club or attending a party with a stripper, then you should reconsider attending. That doesn't mean you have to ignore your friends, who are hosting such events. Do something special for your friend at another time and refrain from doing things with your friends that make your husband or wife uncomfortable. You don’t want to create a rift between you and your spouse for something as unnecessary as hanging out with strippers.