Signs You’re Self-Sabotaging Your Relationship

Couple ignoring each other on bed
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While relationships can sometimes be complicated, you may not even realize the ways in which you’re actually harming your chances at having a successful, meaningful and long-lasting connection with your partner. In fact, there are certain thoughts and behaviors that you may regard as completely benign, but in reality, they can directly contribute to your relationship’s ultimate demise. With this in mind, it’s never been more important to be able to recognize the six clear signs that you’re engaging in self-sabotage so that you don’t end up losing the relationship that you truly want and deserve.

1. You think that your relationship isn’t going to last very long.

One of the clear signs that you’re sabotaging your chances at having a happy, healthy and long-lasting future with your partner is that you don’t actually think there is a future. To that end (so to speak), if you truly believe that your relationship isn’t going to work out, these pessimistic thoughts will likely become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and this kind of cynicism will negatively impact your behavior around your partner. On the flip side, if you view the road ahead in a positive light and have high hopes for your relationship’s future, the higher the likelihood of actually having a future with him or her.

2. You refuse to open up to your partner. ​

Another indicator that you’re harming your chances at having a successful and meaningful relationship is that you’re overly guarded and closed-off around your partner. However, in order to truly get to know someone and build a strong, lasting and unshakeable bond, you have to be willing to be open and honest around him or her.

And while you may be a private person, if you keep hiding things about your past, refrain from sharing your true feelings and aren’t willing to be emotionally vulnerable around him or her, you’re making your relationship vulnerable to collapse.

3. You’re not fully present when you're together. ​

An additional sign that you’re self-sabotaging your relationship is that you’re not truly present when you’re with your partner.

Specifically, if you’re always on your phone or tablet, keeping the TV on at all times and ending up having half-conversations where you find yourself half-listening, your other half won’t stick around for much longer. Remember, if you want to create a deep and lasting connection with this person, it’s time to be fully present when you’re with him or her and eliminate any distractions and interruptions. In a word, if you’re always glued to your phone, there won’t be much glue left to hold your relationship together.

4. You’re comparing your partner to an ex. ​

Another clear indicator that you’re lowering your chances at having a successful and flourishing relationship with your partner is that your ex is still on your mind. In fact, if you continue to compare your current partner to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend and keep a scorecard in your head, you’re not giving your partner a real chance to build a new and enduring connection with you. Remember, if you want your relationship to have long-lasting potential, you should stop bringing your past into the present so you can have a chance at a future.  

5. You’re automatically distrusting of your partner. ​

Another sign that you’re engaging in relationship self-sabotage is that you’re untrusting of your partner even though he or she has given you no reason to feel this way.

In fact, if your relationship default setting is to automatically be distrusting and suspicious of your partner, you can trust in the fact that your skepticism will likely cause your relationship to unravel. And while it may be hard to trust someone new, especially if you’re someone who’s been hurt or betrayed in the past, it’s the only way to build a strong and long-lasting connection with your partner and lay the foundation for a successful relationship.  

6. You don’t think that you’re good enough. ​

If you’re unsure of yourself and have a tendency to doubt your self-worth, you’re actually contributing to the demise of your relationship. After all, if you believe that you’re not good enough and/or that you don’t deserve to be truly happy, it won’t be long before your actions reflect these insecurities and doubts.

Remember, you’re an awesome and unique person with a ton to offer your partner, so don’t sell yourself short and end up inadvertently causing the shortening of your relationship.