Secret Stash of Money

Sign of a Failing Relationship or Okay?

Close shot of woman saving money in the little pig
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Some people believe that having a stash of money hidden away is a sign of a failing relationship. Others believe that having a stash of cash shows a lack of trust in one another while other individuals believe hiding away some money is okay.

Do you have a need or desire to have a secret stash of money tucked away for a rainy day? If so, you are not alone.

Redbook Magazine took a poll on pin money or a secret stash. The results showed that a large number (34 percent) of women keep money stashed away and that they don't tell their husbands about it. The amount of money doesn't seem to be a major consideration because most of these women had less than $500 hidden away.

Why Spouses Hide Money

Spouses (both husbands and wives) apparently often feel the need to hide money from their partner. They do this because just knowing that it is there to save or to spend however they want can provide emotional comfort. It also provides a sense of security.

  • A need for a rainy day/emergency fund
  • If one spouse has no say in financial decisions
  • As a safety net
  • For Christmas presents and other surprise gifts
  • As a sign of financial independence
  • So money can be spent without having to discuss it with spouse
  • Splurging on oneself
  • Not wanting to be criticized for financial decisions
  • A desire to learn how to make investments and handle money

Georgette Mosbacher, author of It Takes Money, Honey recommends that women should routinely divert small sums from paychecks, bonuses, reimbursement accounts, household allowances or even spare change in order to build their own personal balance.

Heidi Evans, author of How to Hide Money from your Husband and Other Time Honored Ways to Build a Nest Egg, in an ABC News article, wrote "We live longer than men. Our retirement money is less. Women leave the work force to raise children or take care of elderly parents, and so their pensions are not the same as men."

Quotes About Hiding Money in a Marriage

David Krueger, M.D.: "A small quest for autonomy like this isn't all that surprising in relationships. It can even be healthy." Couples are always trying to balance working together as a unit with keeping some of their independence, he explains. Secret purchases -- provided they're small and don't interfere with other financial priorities -- can be one way a spouse fulfills that need."
Source: Walecia Konrad. "The Truth About Women, Men and Money."

Ellen Wulfhorst: "Women are twice as likely as men -- 18 percent to 9 percent -- to have a secret stash of money that their spouses or partners don't know about, the study said."
Source: "Many women fret about financial security: study," Reuters, 8/22/2006.

Financial Recommendations for Married Couples

  • Have a stash but don't keep it a secret.

Leslie Whitaker: "Many financial planners offer a fairly straightforward solution: three bank accounts — yours, mine and ours. Simply deposit the bulk of the family income into the "ours" account, which can be used to cover joint expenses, such as the mortgage. Then set aside a monthly allowance to be deposited in "his" and "hers" accounts, which can be spent as each partner pleases, no questions asked."
Source: "The Secret Stash." 2/26/2004.