These Scary Playgrounds Could Scar Your Kids For Life

Via Imgur/jesuspunk.
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What's Got Two Thumbs And Loves Kids?

Via imgur/jesuspunk.

This guy!

Quick question: Did everyone who was in charge of creating this nightmarish piece of playground equipment give it a once-over and say, "Yup, that looks great. This slide is open for business!"  Really? No one noticed that it looks like a smiling phallus giving kids an enthusiastic thumbs up? Really. Talk about an epic fail.

Playgrounds are supposed to be fun places filled with safe, brightly-colored objects for kids to play on. They're supposed to have jungle gyms, slides, swings, and lots of soft bark mulch or sand on the ground to keep kids from cracking their skulls open when they're busy acting like the wild little freaks that they are. They're NOT supposed to contain phalluses, witch heads, rusty metal, or terrifying sculptures that are guaranteed to give children nightmares. It's just plain wrong; but also kind of funny, if we're honest. Check out some of the creepiest playgrounds that actually exist in this strange, strange world we live in. Won't somebody please think of the children?!

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Can You Smell What This Chef Is Cooking?

Smells like disappointment and tears. 

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Just A Teensy Bit Terrifying

Come play on this giant witch's head, kids! Pay no attention to the fact that she's already clutching a child-victim in her stony clawed hand. It's not like she's planning to eat you or anything. Where would you get an idea like that?

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Whimsical Pee-ers

Whee, peeing is such fun! Come grab a hold of my metal urine stream, children!

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Sit Right Here

Allow us to demonstrate what NOT to do when creating a seating area for children. Hint: Start by not gesturing at your crotch with both hands.

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We're Coming For Your Soul!

These playground structures hardly look like they're lurching towards you in search of your soul at all. Only a little bit.

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A Turd You Can Ride On

What's better than a giant poop log statue? A giant poop log statue that you can RIDE ON, that's what! The line forms here, kids! No shoving - you'll all get a turn on the giant poop log!

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Trust Me, I'm A Doctor

Via Imgur/ IUpvoteBadPosts.

Dr. Feelgood just wants to give you a couple of shots. You won't feel a thing (ever again). 

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Don't Have Arachnophobia?


Well, you do now! 

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Eat Me

Via Blazepress.

Nothing to see here. Just a sausage that's been severed in half and is spewing blood everywhere. A sausage that is seemingly about to eat his other half. Totally normal and not weird at all.

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All Around The Human Centipede

Via Imgur/ IUpvoteBadPosts.

Okay, all joking aside, WTF IS THIS I CAN'T EVEN.

You take a look at something like this, and you start to see why some kids grow up to be such weird adults. There's just no unseeing this! All we can say is, NOPE.

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Just Hanging Around The Playground

Great idea! Just put the hangman's nooses around randomly to save time. This couldn't possibly lead to any tragic and completely preventable accidents. Nope; looks legit!

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Slide On Down The Elephant's Poop Chute

Once again, great design idea. *Slow Clap* to the geniuses who designed this thing.

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You Sexy Thang

What have we told you about making playground equipment that has a crotch? Don't do it, we said. Don't

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Come Play With The Drunken Bunny

This thing makes those scary mall Easter Bunnies look like Peter Cottontail.

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This Clown Is Letting It All Hang Out

Don't judge him; he's a grower, not a shower.

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The Devil Made Me Ride It

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Whichever kid falls off the merry-go-round first loses his soul to the devil. Them's the rules.

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We Don't Know What This Thing Is

But we're pretty sure it's dead. 

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Russia? Russia.

It's just a sculpture that looks like a bound child kneeling in the snow. Whee, what fun!

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Climb The Rock Schlong

It's hard to get a grip on this rock hard thing, but go ahead an give it a try. Don't give up! Keep on grabbing on to it. 

Seriously, could this thing BE any more phallic? And why does it look so...bumpy? Maybe the scary doctor (above) should take a look at it.

Who is responsible for this abomination? On second thought, we don't want to know.

Be safe out there, kids