Reasons Your Friend Is Snarky With You All the Time

Why Friends Get Sarcastic

Close up of man teasing friend on sofa
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People generally think sarcasm is funny on TV or the movies but they aren't so pleased when it is directed at them. For some friends, sarcasm is part of their sense of humor. For others, snarky comments are meant to wound. Others may act sarcastically when they’re bored or don’t like you very much. There are times when sarcasm is meant to push you away and when it is meant to pull you in, like a friend that is about to tell you a private joke just for the two of you.

It can be difficult to deal with a snarky friend all the time. Sarcastic jabs may make you laugh sometimes, especially when they’re directed at others, and at other times they may hurt you so deeply that you consider ending the friendship. Understanding why and how people get sarcastic can help you determine the right way to deal with it.

Your Friend Gets Snarky as a Way to Tell You to Stop Talking

It would be so easy if friends could just tell you that you’re repeating yourself, or that you’re talking over them and they can’t get a word in. But sometimes, a friend who is tired of your conversation style or topic will just get snarky.

The trouble is, you might not even realize at first that your friend is being sarcastic. So you’ll keep going on and on, doing the same things in conversation that caused them to get snarky with you in the first place. If you realize your friend is getting snarky, you can say, "I don’t understand the sarcasm here. Are you bored with this conversation? Then why not move on to something else?"

You Are Getting Snarky Comments From Acquaintances

The people most likely to give you sarcasm are close friends and acquaintances. When people are trying to get to know each other better they generally use direct conversation so as to not be misunderstood. Sarcasm is used with really good friends because you feel they should know you well enough to know that you’re kidding and with acquaintances who you may not like.

If an acquaintance directs their sarcasm at you, be cautious with how you get to know them. These are the types of people who appear friendly but aloof and as a result, we'll try to work harder to be friends with them. But before you do this, say something like, "I’m sensing some sarcasm and tone here. Is there an issue?"

Your Friend Is Just Kidding (Kind Of)

The thing about sarcasm is it can be funny. But the biting wit that accompanies it usually has a meaning attached as well.

Have you ever turned a friend"s sarcasm back toward them, only to have them say, "You’re too sensitive! I was only kidding!" This is because snarky people like to think that they are giving you a jab wrapped up in humor, and don’t like being called out on their behavior. It might be obvious to you that they’re being sarcastic, but part of the thrill for them is to give you a zinger without you even knowing they did it. When you call them on it, they turn it back toward you.

If a friend is just kidding, it shouldn’t hurt. You could say to them, “You might be kidding but you hurt my feelings at the same time. I don’t appreciate it.”

Your Friend Is a Wounded Soul Who Has Trouble Relating

For some, getting along with others is a struggle because of how they grew up. Perhaps they lacked the love and attention they deserved as a child, so their way of interacting with people is laced with resentment. Feelings of genuine friendship and caring may feel foreign to them, so even when you’re kind they have a hard time accepting goodness.

Or perhaps your friend is jealous of you and is too embarrassed to admit it. Maybe they resent some of the things you have in life and instead of dealing with their own shortcomings they had snarky with you instead. 

It’s difficult to deal with people like this, but the more you can rise above their hurtful jabs, the more you will show them that the Golden Rule is a sign of strength and not weakness. In this case, ignore their snarky remarks and respond with kind ones instead.