5 Reasons Second and Third Marriages Fail

Why do divorced people, divorce more often?

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Why One Divorce May Lead To Second and Third Divorces

I guess the question could include fourth and fifth marriages but that is thinking way too far ahead for me. And I don't like what it says about attitudes about marriage. If you can't get it right the first, second or third time it may be time to think long and hard about a fourth or fifth time.

I chose not to remarry. The choice wasn't out of fear of failing again. I just happened to like being single once given the opportunity to try it on for size. I'll be honest; I don't know why anyone who has gone through a divorce would choose to marry again.

Since they do and statistics suggest divorce rates are higher for those who remarry it is worth taking a look at why second and third marriages fail at such a high rate.

Below are 5 reasons second and third marriages fail so often:

1. Baggage: When people divorce and do not take the opportunity to learn from their divorce they take all their crud and beliefs about relationships into their next marriage. If you were cheated on you may take your dented ability to trust into the new marriage. Hurts, low self-esteem, anger it all needs to be handled beforehand if remarriage is going to have a chance.

2. Blaming your last spouse for all the problems in that marriage and the divorce doesn't fair well for any future marriages. As long as you are playing the blame game, you aren't able to focus on the role you played in the problems in your last marriage. If you don't identify and fix relationship issues you have, you carry them into every relationship you have.

3. Commitment Issues: Urbandictionary.com defines commitment as; "sticking with something long after the mood you have said it in has left you." Some folks don't have the ability to stick with a marriage once the "mood" is no longer there. Any sign of trouble and they bale. An attribute I would definitely assign to those who have been married four or five times.

We live in a "happiness right now" society and that belief that marriage brings us "happiness" 24/7 plays a huge role in why second and third marriages fail. 

4. Consistent Failure: If you meet someone who has failed in business, has failed familial relationships, is someone who seems to have a losing streak a mile long, you may want to think twice before marrying them. Yes, I understand that some people have bad look or hard knocks in life and, that it is not a character flaw. BUT, some people are forever victims of "circumstances beyond their control." It's these people who go from one marriage to the next.

5. Rushing into Marriage: Rebound relationships that end in marriage are less likely to succeed unless your relationship lasts two years or longer before remarriage. Men marry too quickly after a divorce because they don't like being alone. Women remarry too quickly because they desire financial security. Two very bad reasons to rush from one marriage to another.

Before you remarry after divorce, take time to heal, to get to know yourself and come to terms with the fact that you don't need marriage to be happy and satisfied. 

Being alone after divorce is a great lesson teacher. You will learn to like your own company. You will learn new relationship skills. You will learn you don't NEED a partner and go out and find a proper one when you start WANTING a new partner. 

Blending Families: Step-children, step-mother, step-father, all these roles bring challenges that can be hard to overcome. It takes a lot of work to build a bond and trust is a blended family. Some people aren't up for the challenge; some children aren't interested in building bonds and trust with a step-parent.