Why Have I Never Had a Serious Relationship?

Frustrated woman.
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Finding a meaningful and long-lasting relationship isn’t always easy. And if you’re someone who’s never had a serious or long-term relationship, it can seem as if having this kind of connection with a significant other just isn’t in the cards for you. However, before you get discouraged and mistakenly believe that you won't be able to find the connection you're searching for, it’s important to be able to recognize the six key reasons why you’ve never had a serious relationship—and learn how to change this going forward.

 

1. You’re Emotionally Unavailable 

If you’re wondering why you’ve never had a serious relationship, one central cause may be your tendency to keep your emotions locked up inside. In order to have a happy and healthy relationship, you have to be able to open up to your partner and share what’s on your mind. However, if you typically keep people at arm’s length and choose to hide what you’re really thinking and feeling, it will be more difficult for you to find a serious relationship because your partner will only be able to know you on a superficial level. But if you make a real effort to be open and forthright with this person, you’re more likely to find the serious and long-lasting relationship that you’re seeking.

2. You’re Choosing Partners Who Can’t Give You What You Want 

When you’re trying to determine why you’ve never had a serious relationship, it’s also important to look at your past partners with a more critical eye.

If you often choose to date people who are only looking for flings, want to be friends with benefits, or who don’t meet your relationship criteria or must-haves, you’re setting yourself up for failure. For example, if you tend to date people who tell you they don't want anything serious but you think you can change them, you're likely going to end up brokenhearted.

If someone says that he or she isn't looking for the same things you are, you should believe him or her and find someone else who also wants what you want. 

3. You’re Not Yourself 

Have you ever found yourself playing a part or a role when you’re dating someone? One of the key reasons why you’ve never had a serious relationship is that you’re not being your authentic self when you’re with a potential partner. And if your tendency is to act in a way that you think your partner wants rather than being the person you actually are, your relationship is never going to be serious because you’re not being your true self. In order to have a deep and fulfilling connection with another person, you have to be true to yourself first so that he or she can get to know the real you. 

4. You Haven’t Met the Right Person

Dating is a numbers game, and in many cases, the reason why you’ve never had a serious relationship is that you simply haven’t met the right person yet. Knowing what you value in a relationship, having standards for yourself, and refusing to settle are admirable qualities, and never having a serious relationship can be based on the fact that you haven’t yet found the right guy or gal for you.

With this in mind, it’s important to push yourself out of your comfort zone and find new ways to meet potential partners if you want to expand your dating network. Whether you sign up for a dating app, join a gym, or go speed dating, putting yourself out there in new ways is going to help bring you one step closer to finding the person—and the serious relationship—that you've been seeking. 

5. You Come On Too Strong

If you’ve never had a serious relationship, you may find that you often try to make something more serious before the time is right—and this can be a major red flag for potential partners. For instance, if you come on too strong and try to establish a serious relationship with someone before giving your connection a chance to grow and develop, your partner will likely feel pressured to make a long-term commitment to you or even sense some desperation on your end.

On the flip side, if you take the time to really get to know your partner and establish a strong bond between the two of you before taking your relationship to the next level, then you’re laying the foundation to have the serious relationship that you want in the future.  

6. You Don’t Think You Deserve It 

One of the main reasons why you may never have had a serious relationship can actually stem from your own issues with confidence and self-esteem. Specifically, many people end up sabotaging themselves when it comes to finding a serious relationship because they don’t think that they’re really worthy of being with someone who treats them with respect, love, and kindness. However, it’s imperative that you recognize how awesome you are and understand that you deserve to be happy and to have a serious relationship with someone who also sees how amazing you are.