30 Nerd Jokes for People Who Embrace Their Inner Smarty-Pants

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Via Getty Images/Tetra Images/ Hill Street Studios 

These days, there's truly no shame in considering oneself to be a nerd. As technology continues to expand and STEAM programs become more and more popular in schools, it won't be long before the world is entirely run by the nerdiest men and women among us. Finally it's our time to shine!

Here are some funny nerd jokes that all of us self-professed geeks will find not just funny, but useful as well. Next time your coworkers are telling their favorite jokes around the water cooler you'll be more than prepared to wow them with one of these zingers.

A Biologist, a Chemist and a Statistician Are Out Hunting

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The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.

The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.

The statistician shouts, "We got him!"

Schrodinger Gets Pulled Over by a Cop

Via Getty Images/Harpazo Hope

The cop searches the trunk and says, "Do you know there's a dead cat in here?"

Schrodinger says, "Well I do now!"

Why Can't You Trust Atoms?

Via Getty Images/Ian Cuming

They make up everything.

A Roman Walks Into a Bar and Asks for a Martinus

Via Getty Images/Emilija Manevska

"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.

The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"

Have You Heard About the Sick Chemist?

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If you can't helium, and you can't curium, you'll probably have to barium.

A Freudian Slip...

Getty Images/Print Collector

...is when you say one thing but really mean your mother.

I'm Reading a Book on Anti-Gravity

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I can't put it down.

I Have a New Theory on Inertia

Via Getty Images/Emilija Manevska

But it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

There Are Two Types of People in the World

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Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

What Do You Get When You Cross a Cow With an Octopus?

Via Dan Dalton

A meeting with the ethics committee and the swift removal of your research funding.

A Wife Sends Her Software Engineer Husband to the Store

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"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk. And if they have eggs, get six!"

Later, the husband comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks him why he bought six cartons of milk and he replied, "They had eggs."

Did You Know There's a Band Called 1023MB?

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They're not bad, but they haven't had any gigs yet.

Where Does Bad Light End Up?


In prism.

What's Another Name for Santa's Elves?

Via Getty Images/Jon Hicks

Subordinate Clauses.

Why Does a Burger Have Less Energy Than a Steak?

Via Getty Images/Claudia Totir

Because a burger is in it's ground state. 

Parallel Lines Have So Much in Common

Via Getty Images/ZenshuiYves Regaldi

It's a shame they'll never meet.

How Many Microsoft Engineers Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Via Getty Images/Kiran Bavariy

None. They just change the standard to darkness.

What Does a Proud Computer Call His Little Son?

Via Getty Images/Christian Leggiano

A microchip off the old block. 

Why Is Beer Never Served at a Math Party?

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Because you can't drink and derive.

Why Did the Programmer Use the Entire Bottle of Shampoo During One Shower?

Via Getty Images/Pongsak Tawansaeng 

Because the bottle said "Lather, Rinse, Repeat." 

What Did Argon Do When Copper Insulted Him?

 Via Getty Images/Science Picture Co

Argon had no reaction.

Two Antennas Met on a Roof, Fell in Love and Got Married

Via Getty Images/Andrew Holt

The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

Why Do Accountants Make Good Lovers?

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They're really good with figures.

A Photon Is Checking Into a Hotel

Via Getty Images/Paul Thompson 

The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"

The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."

A Piece of Sodium That Lived in a Test Tube Fell in Love With a Bunsen Burner

 Getty Images/Westend61

"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"

The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."

What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?

 Via Getty Images/101cats

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

Did You Hear the One About the Pregnant Woman?

Via Getty Images/Petri Oeschger

She went into labor and started shouting, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

Yup. She was having contractions.

What Did E.T.'s Mother Say to Him When He Got Home?

 Via Getty Images/Tristar Media

Where on Earth have you been?!"

Why Do Teenagers Only Travel in Groups of Three?

Via Getty Images/Keith Brofsky

Because they can’t even.

A Farmer Counted 196 Cows in the Field

Via Getty Images/Andreas Oberthaler

But when he rounded them up, he had 200.