Funniest Quotes From the 'Napoleon Dynamite' Movie

'Tina, you fat lard' Heads the List

Still from 'Napoleon Dynamite'
(Fox Searchlight)

Years after "Napoleon Dynamite" was released, the movie still is quoted frequently by fans of offbeat films. There's something about the delivery by Napoleon (Jon Heder), best friend Pedro (Efren Ramirez), brother Kip (Aaron Ruell), hapless Uncle Rico (Jon Gries), the object of Napoleon's affection, Deb (Tina Majorino), and others that make the film endlessly quotable. 

Here are a few of the most memorable lines from this quirky indie comedy:

Kid on the Bus: What are you going to do today, Napoleon?

Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I wanna do! Gosh!


Don: Hey Napoleon, what did you do all last summer again?

Napoleon: I told you. I spent it with my uncle in Alaska, hunting wolverines.

Don: Did you shoot any?

Napoleon: Yes, like 50 of ‘em! They kept trying to attack my cousins. What the heck would you do in a situation like that?

Don: What kind of gun did you use?

Napoleon: A freakin’ 12 gauge! What do you think?


Kip: Hi.

Napoleon: Is Grandma there?

Kip: No. She’s getting her hair done.

Napoleon: Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

Kip: What do you need?

Napoleon: Could you just go get her for me?

Kip: I’m really busy right now.

Napoleon: Well, just tell her to come get me.

Kip: Why?

Napoleon: Cuz I don’t feel good.

Kip: Well, have you talked to the school nurse?

Napoleon: No, she doesn’t know anything.


Napoleon: Will you just come get me?

Kip: No.

Napoleon: Well, will you do me a favor then?

Kip: What?

Napoleon: Can you bring me my ChapStick?

Kip: No, Napoleon.

Napoleon: But my lips hurt real bad!

Kip: Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has like five or six in her drawer.

Napoleon: I’m not gonna use hers, you sicko!

Kip: See ya.

Napoleon: Ugh! Idiot!


Napoleon: What kind of bike do you have?

Pedro: It's a Sledgehammer.

Napoleon: Dang! You got shocks, pegs—lucky! You ever take it off any sweet jumps?


Grandma: How was school?

Napoleon: The worst day of my life! What do you think?


Napoleon: What’s there to eat?

Grandma: Knock it off, Napoleon. Make yourself a dang quesa-dilluh!


Napoleon: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip.

Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know I'm training to be a cage fighter.

Napoleon: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.


Deb: I'm trying to earn money for college.

Kip: [yells in the background] Your mom goes to college!


Napoleon: Tina, you fat lard! Come get some dinner! Tina, eat. Food. Eat the food!


Uncle Rico: Back in ’82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile.

Kip: Are you serious?

Uncle Rico: I’m dead serious.\


Uncle Rico: How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains? Well, if coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would've been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind. You better believe things had been different. I’d have gone pro in a heartbeat. I’d be making millions of dollars and living in a big ol’ mansion somewhere, soaking it up in a hot tub with my soul mate.


Deb: What are you drawing?

Napoleon: A liger.

Deb: What's a liger?

Napoleon: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed … bred for its skills in magic.


Napoleon: Well, nobody’s going to go out with me.

Pedro: Have you asked anybody yet?

Napoleon: No, but who would? I don’t even have any good skills.

Pedro: What do you mean?

Napoleon: You know, like numchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.


Uncle Rico: Napoleon, it looks like you don’t have a job. So why don’t you get out there and feed Tina?

Napoleon: Why don’t you go eat a decroded piece of crap!


Napoleon: Do the chickens have large talons?

Farmer: Do they have what?

Napoleon: Large talons?

Farmer: I don’t understand a word you just said.


Napoleon: I like your sleeves. They’re real big.


Napoleon: Pedro offers you his protection.


Napoleon: Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home.

Uncle Rico: She didn't tell me anything.

Napoleon: Too bad. She said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak.

Uncle Rico: I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon.

Napoleon: Get off my property!

Uncle Rico: It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.

Napoleon: Get off my property or I'll call the cops on you.

Uncle Rico: Well then do it! Go on!

Napoleon: Maybe I will! Gosh!


Napoleon: Just tell them that their wildest dreams will come true if they vote for you.


Napoleon Dynamite: I caught you a delicious bass.


Kip’s Wedding Song: Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever. We met in a chatroom, now our love can fully bloom. Sure the World Wide Web is great but you, you make me salivate. I love technology but not as much as you, you see. But I still love technology. Always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to heaven above. Always and forever. Always and forever. Yes, our love is truly great. Always and forever.