My Friends Hate My Partner, Help!

While you may think that your partner is amazing, talented and truly wonderful, your friends may have a different opinion. For instance, perhaps you think that your partner’s the funniest person you’ve ever met, but your friends think that his or her jokes fall flat. Or maybe you find his or her stories amusing, engaging and fascinating, but your friends are always put off by his or her need to take over the conversation. Whatever the reason (or reasons) may be that are causing your friends to hate your partner, it can be challenging to know how to even proceed. After all, while you value your friends’ opinions and clearly have a history, you also place value on your relationship with your partner and your future together. Fortunately, when you’re faced with this kind of unfriendly relationship situation, there are six key steps you can take. 

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Hear out your friends

If you’re in the difficult position where your friends aren’t fans of your partner, it’s important that you sit down and listen to what your friends have to say. Specifically, rather than dismissing their grievances outright and refusing to give them a chance to truly speak their minds, it’s imperative that you have a mature, face-to-face conversation where they can clearly express their feelings. Remember, if you always write them off and shut down what they have to say, it won’t be too long until they shut you out of the friend circle. 

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Take to heart what your friends tell you

With this in mind, when you sit down for this important conversation with your friends, it’s in your best interest to truly listen to what they have to say. After all, you know that they have your best interest in mind and only want good things for you. So if your friends tell you that they don’t like the way that your partner bosses you around, always complains or is rude to them, you should take to heart what they say. 

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Keep your friends’ concerns in your mind going forward

After you listen to what your friends express, the next step is to pay a bit more attention when you interact with your partner from that moment onward. And while you may not have noticed that your partner tends to interrupt those around him or her (and it really bothers your friends) or that he or she uses foul language at every turn, you can now be more conscious of this behavior and see if it’s a valid concern. 

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Distinguish between what’s changeable and what’s not

When your friends tell you why they don’t like your partner, it’s imperative that you differentiate between what’s a potentially fixable issue and what’s not. For instance, if your friends despise the way that your partner is always on his or her phone when you’re hanging out as a group, you can give your partner a heads up to try his or her best to refrain from checking emails when you’re all together. On the flip side, if your friends’ concerns are based on unchangeable issues, such as they don’t think that your partner’s good enough for you or they don’t agree with his or her life goals, this is something entirely different.  

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Create more opportunities for everyone to hang out together

While it may sound counterintuitive, it’s actually in your best interest to set up times for everyone to spend more time together, especially when their concerns fall into the “unchangeable” category. By doing so, you can help your friends see the side of your partner that you see, and you can help to change their concerns and break down their misconceptions and preconceived notions. In many cases, your friends may think negatively about your partner only because they haven’t had enough opportunities to really get to know him or her in a deeper way.  

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Do what’s best for you

If your friends still despise your partner even after trying to bridge the gap between them, the decision of how to proceed is entirely up you to. After all, you’re the one in the relationship with him or her, and it’s up to you to ultimately decide whether or not you want to be with your partner. And while it’s unfortunate to be in the position where you go against your friends' wishes, it’s important that you trust your instincts — as well as your heart.