Marital Problems: 10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Divorce

Don't divorce before answering these 10 questions.

Martial Problems
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Marital problems don't always lead to divorce. At times they may cause you to feel like you want to run screaming toward the courthouse but, that doesn't have to be the situation. I know you've heard this before but, I'm going to say it again anyway marriage is work, a lot of work.

The stress and strain of everyday life can distract us at times and cause us to lose focus on the work that needs to be done in the marriage.

That same stress can invade a marriage, exacerbate, and magnify any marital problems and issues in the marriage.

Most marital problems are typical. In other words, if you are married you will, at some point, be faced with pretty much the same issues that most married people face. There is no true way to gauge whether the problems in your marriage are insurmountable.

There are instances in which divorce is inevitable regardless of how much effort you put into saving your marriage. If your spouse is abusive in any way, you should not hesitate when it comes to removing yourself and your children from the situation. The same can be said for those who are married to a serial cheater. Some people can't be fixed and their problems will forever negatively impact their marriage.

Your commitment to the marriage and your spouse will determine how much you are willing to put up with problems in the marriage and how hard you are willing to work on the marriage.

 

If you are thinking about divorce or feeling like taking a jog down to the courthouse, ask yourself the following 10 questions.

 

1. Are you to the point that your spouse just can't do anything right, does everything they do get under your skin? Have you sought the help of a marital therapist and explored why you're feeling resentment toward your spouse?

2. Does everything lead to an argument? And I mean everything. The way he leaves his shoes in the middle of the room sets you off. The way she interrupts you when you're talking makes you want to bite your tongue and her's too?

3. Are you tired of the fighting, so tired you can't muster up the energy to even engage anymore? Is so, it may be time to explore more proactive ways of solving conflicts in your marriage. A lack of problem-solving skills promotes a never-ending

4. Has the love you felt been replaced by resentment? See number 1 above. Don't throw in the towel on your marriage until you clearly understand where the resentment is coming from and whether there is a solution to that problem. 

5. Would you rather be anywhere than with your spouse? Maybe you should consider taking time away from your spouse. A legal separation before filing for a divorce may help you work through the issues causing you to need time away from him/her. 

6. When you and your spouse are together, do you find you have nothing to talk about or that you have little interest in talking to him/her? If this is the case it may be time to invest some effort into reconnecting emotionally with your spouse. Just because you don't feel bonded with them doesn't mean you can't rebuild a bond.

 

7. Does the idea of sex with your spouse cause you to shudder? Or, maybe you like the idea of sex with your spouse but they constantly withhold intimacy. Do some thinking about what is causing the intimacy problems in your marriage and, explore possible solutions? 

8. Are you having an affair or thinking about having an affair? If so, there are definitely problems in the marriage you need to face head on and not engage in an affair as a distraction. An affair doesn't solve problems, it makes more problems! 

9. You find yourself being passive aggressive and doing the opposite of what your spouse needs from you just to spite him/her?

10. Are thoughts of divorce running through your mind on a regular basis? If you've not communicated your unhappiness or doubts with your spouse, it's time to do so.

Give your spouse the opportunity to work on the marriage before giving up on the marriage. 

Don't worry, just because you answered yes to most of the questions doesn't necessarily mean you are headed for divorce. It does mean, however, that your marriage is in trouble and that it is time to evaluate your feelings as far as your commitment to the marriage.

Steps need to be taken to either fix the problems in the marriage or to get the ball rolling and the divorce process started. Staying stuck in an unhappy marriage should not be an option for you or your spouse. Get to work finding a solution for the problems or you will end up in divorce court.