Lesbian Dating: How to Make the First Move

Girl laying on the shoulder of her girlfriend
Deux/The Image Bank/Getty Images

Finding out how to make the first move is a common situation lesbians find themselves in, especially for those who are just coming out. Imagine that two women are hanging out and getting along great. Perhaps they even talk every day and text all the time. Even more-so, one of the women drops a lot of little hints that she’s into you (and you are most definitely into her). Of course, you start to wonder how you can really take it to the next level and turn this friend into a lover.

Reach for Her Hand

If you’re out to dinner or having cocktails and the conversation quiets down, reach for her hand across the table and look her in the eye. Chances are you won’t have to say anything, as this romantic gesture is enough in and of itself. Pick her hand up with your other hand and hold it for a moment before letting it go. If there is sexual energy between you two, you’ll both feel it.

Likewise, if you’re at the movies or watching something at home together, find the right moment to reach over and take her hand into yours. She may give you a little squeeze, or take a look at you. Just smile and continue watching the movie when this happens. If she doesn’t take her eyes off of you, then turn back toward her and give her a kiss.

You can also put your hand on her knee instead. If she reaches down and puts her hand on top of yours, you’ll know for sure that she’s into you. Little touches like this go a long way.

As you’re hanging out with her over time, touch her nonchalantly. Brush her knee, let your thighs touch as you sit side by side, adjust her collar, or gently touch her arm. See if she returns any of the gestures.

Move in for a Kiss

If you’re standing and facing each other, that can be a good time to move in for a kiss.

If you’re at a club, at her car, or standing in front of her apartment door, lean back against the wall, reach for her hands, and pull her toward you. When she’s close, brush your lips against hers and kiss her.

Sometimes a hug can turn into something more, too. If it's the end of the night and you’ve had a great time hanging out together, end the evening with a good night hug. This time, when you start to pull away, you can move back in and plant a kiss on her lips.

If you’re at a busier place, like the dance floor, you can wait for a slow song to come on to get closer. Lightly put your hands on her hips and move in closer to her. Then, look into her eyes and move your head close to her lips. You can slowly move in for a kiss, or see if she moves toward you and kisses you.

Be Confident

Some people believe that you shouldn’t talk too much about it, and just act. While being bold and just kissing her might work in some situations, it can be equally as sexy to pronounce your attraction. In an intimate moment, you can look her in the eye and say something like, “I really want to kiss you.” That might be all it takes for her to tell you to go ahead and kiss her already. Or, she might say nothing at all and just go for the kiss herself.

Your heart may be pounding a mile a minute in your chest, and you may feel sweat start to bead down your pits when you're with her. However, there's nothing sexy about someone who is insecure and unsure of herself. Even if you’re not feeling totally confident, try not to let it show too much, too soon.

If She Turns You Down

It's possible that things may not go as planned. Maybe you’ve been reading the cues wrong, or you thought the feeling was mutual. If she turns you down for a kiss or other gesture, there's no need to feel bad. Simply talk about it when the time is right, whether now or later.

It's always possible that she is into you, but she’s just scared. Maybe she’s never been with a woman before or has someone else she's dating. Whatever you do, don’t force yourself on her or make her feel bad for turning you down.

Try to keep it light by wishing her a good night and seeing your way home.