Lesbian Dating—How to Make the First Move

How to Make the First Move in Lesbian Dating

Girl laying on the shoulder of her girlfriend
Deux/The Image Bank/Getty Images

It’s a common situation with lesbians, especially those who are just coming out. Two women are hanging out. They get along great. They talk every day and text all the time. She’s dropped lots of little hints that she’s into you and you are most definitely into her. But how do you take it to the next level? How does a lesbian move from friend to lover? How do you make the first move?

Here are a few ideas about how to make the first move.

Read through these suggestions and pick one that works for you.

Reach for Her Hand

If you’re out to dinner or having cocktails and the conversation quiets, reach for her hand across the table and look her in the eye. Chances are you won’t have to say anything. Pick her hand up with your other hand and hold it for a moment before letting it go. If there is sexual energy between you, you’ll feel it.

Likewise, if you’re at the movies or watching a movie at one of your houses, at some point, reach over and take her hand in yours. She may give you a little squeeze, or look at you. Just smile and continue watching the movie. If she doesn’t take her eyes off you, then turn back towards her and give her a kiss.

You can also put your hand on her knee. If she reaches down and puts her hand on top of yours, you’ll know for sure she’s into you.

How to Move in for a Kiss

If you’re standing and facing each other, that can be a good time to move in for a kiss.

If you’re at a club, at her car or her front door, lean back against the wall, reach for her hands and pull her toward you. When she’s close, brush your lips against hers and kiss her.

Hug to Kiss

Sometimes a hug can turn into something more. It’s the end of the night. You’ve had a great time hanging out together.

She goes to give you the good night hug you’ve come to expect. This time, when you start to pull away, move back in and plant one on her lips.

Lingering Touch to a Kiss

If you’re on the dance floor, dancing to a slow song, lightly put your hands on her hips and move in closer to her. Look into her eyes and move your head close to her lips. You can slowly move in for a kiss or see if she moves toward you kisses you.

Little Touches Go a Long Way

As you’re hanging out with her, touch her nonchalantly from time to time. Brush her knee, let your thighs touch as you sit side by side, adjust her collar or gently touch her arm. See if she returns any of the gestures.

Say It

Some people believe you shouldn’t talk too much about it, you should just act. “Be bold, just kiss her!” That might work in some situations, but it can be equally as sexy to pronounce your attraction. In an intimate moment, perhaps you’re sitting across from each other in a dark bar, or sitting side by side chatting, wait for a lull in the conversation, look her in the eye and say, “I really want to kiss you.” That might be all it takes for her to tell you to go ahead and kiss her already! Or she might say nothing at all and just go for it herself and kiss you.

Confidence is Sexy

Your heart may be pounding a mile a minute in your chest and you may feel sweat start to bead down your pits, but really, there is nothing sexy about someone who is insecure and unsure of herself. Even if you’re not feeling totally confident, try not to let it show.

What If She Turns You Down?

It might happen. Maybe you’ve been reading the cues wrong. You thought the feelings were mutual, but as you move in for the kiss, she turns her head away. There is no need to feel bad. You can talk about it then or later. Maybe she is into you, but she’s just scared. Maybe she’s never been with a woman before or maybe she has someone else she is dating. Whatever you do, don’t force yourself on her or make her feel bad in any way for turning you down. Try to keep it light, wish her a good night and see your way home.