Is Your Marriage Running on Empty?

When Was the Last Time You Put Your Marriage First?

Working parents at home in morning with baby
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by Sheri Stritof
Sheri Stritof is the co-Author of The Everything Great Marriage Book and a veteran writer on marriages.
Updated May 23, 2019

Author Mira Kirshenbaum writes in her book, "The Weekend Marriage", that the American state of matrimony is all too often the victim of what she calls "Murphy's law" of marriage: "The less time you have together, the more things go wrong in your relationship."

Does This Describe Your Marriage?

  • Your life centers around your children and your jobs.
  • You are both pretty exhausted during the week.
  • Your home and life seems to move from one small crisis to another.
  • Time for romance or interacting with one another is saved for weekends along with catching up on chores around the house.

Here are some warning signs of a time-starved marriage and what you can do about it.

Warning Signs of Running on Empty in Your Marriage

Some Solutions for a Time-Starved Marriage

Suggested Books to Read

Here are the warning signs of running on empty in your marriage.

  • You think you have to choose between your spouse and your kids. If you do, you are comparing two different types of love. Living a balanced life doesn't require choosing.
  • Your lives are very fragmented. You spend more time running here and there and doing this and that than you spend together.
  • When together you both tend to be in your own little world.
  • You both find yourself easily irritated over small annoyances.
  • Disagreements and misunderstandings between the two of you increase.
  • Several months pass before you realize the two of you haven't had a date or planned alone time together.

Does This Describe Your Marriage?

Some Solutions for a Time-Starved Marriage

Suggested Books to Read

Here are some solutions for a time-starved marriage.

  • Be honest with each other about the time issues in your lives. Track a week of how you all spend your time. Evaluate time you spend with your children, with one another, on your jobs, doing chores, as a family, having fun, etc. As you examine your schedules, look for ways to trim it that will give you both a sense of hope for your future.
  • Focus more on your husband-wife relationship. Ask yourselves if you think your kids are seeing the love you two have for one another.
  • Make sure the two of you are connecting with each other each day. This can be accomplished by a long kiss or hug, a back rub or a quick head massage with a tingler, daily dialogue time, a morning snuggle, playing a game together, having some cuddle time, or taking a walk around your yard.
  • Don't put yourselves on hold, either personally or as a couple. Take care of yourself both emotionally and physically. Make time to take a walk, read a book, relax in a hot tub, laugh, listen to music you enjoy, get a good night's sleep. You will be setting a good example for your children on how to live a balanced life.
  • Say no more often to errands, chores, social activities with others, overtime, volunteer work, meetings, etc.
  • Don't watch the news every night, or read the full newspaper every day. Don't read Twitter or your RSS feed every day. They steal time from you.
  • Have at least one date night each month. Sometimes reserving the same date each month helps in not scheduling something else on your date night.
  • Send emails to each other and leave love notes around the house.
  • Find ways to make the most of every precious moment you have with each other.

Does This Describe Your Marriage?

Warning Signs of Running on Empty in Your Marriage

Suggested Books to Read

Here are some suggested books to read concerning time-starved marriages.

"The Weekend Marriage: Abundant Love In A Time-Starved World" by Mira Kirshenbaum

"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert" by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver

"Lovetalk Starters: 275 Questions to Get Your Conversations Going" by Leslie L. Parrott

Does This Describe Your Marriage?

Warning Signs of Running on Empty in Your Marriage

Some Solutions for a Time-Starved Marriage