Is It Normal to Enjoy Gay Sex If You're Not Gay?

Straight and Gay Sex Isn't Always Black and White

Is it normal to enjoy gay sex if you're not gay? A teen writes: 

"I've known this guy since grade 4. About three months ago, he approached me and 'announced' that he was sexually attracted to me. It was a bit of a shock to me, but I got over it pretty quickly. We had sex the next weekend when we were alone at my place, in my media room, half on the couch and half on the floor. I have to admit, it was pretty amazing. But he feels the same way I do. We both love girls, have dated / gone out with them before and quite enjoy it. My biggest problem is that I only really like the gay sex, not the idea of a relationship. Has this ever happened to anybody?"

Here's My Answer

This is actually pretty common.

Not all people who have sex with the same sex identify as gay, bi or lesbian, and that's OK. In fact, there are even terms used to describe people in this situation. Here are three common ones:

  • MSM: Men who have sex with men
  • WSW: Women who have sex with women
  • Being on the down low: Men who discreetly have sex with other men while in sexual relationships with women

As long as you and your friend are on the same page, and as long as you're both comfortable and practicing safe sex by using condoms, you really shouldn't have to worry about labels. 

And as for "normal," just what does that mean anyway? Everyone is — or at least should be — their own kind of normal. Just because an individual doesn't fit exactly into the definition of a certain mold or term, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's not normal. 

Questioning Your Sexual Orientation 

Of course, sexuality is fluid, and so is the way we define ourselves.

You might find your own personal definitions shifting over time. In fact, a lot of teens question their sexual orientation, and it's possible that you might consider yourself gay or bisexual at some point, or you might always consider yourself straight. You could also discover that your level of attraction to male partners shifts over time, becoming stronger or weaker depending both on the person you're involved with and what stage you're at in your life.

Another consideration is that sexual orientation is rarely black and white with hard, dividing lines. In other words, you don't have to be 100 percent straight or 100 percent gay. You might be bisexual or heteroflexible. 

The important thing is that you feel comfortable with yourself. You don't have to pin a category on how you feel about you. It's perfectly OK — even "normal" — to be unsure. You can take time to explore your feelings without rushing to the finish line to decide what you are.