Information for LGBT Teens on Having Sex for the First Time: Part 1

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Having Sex for the First Time

A lot of LGBT teens have questions about having sex for the first time. Two common ones are:

How can I have sex with the same sex?


How do lesbian and gay people lose their virginity?

The answer to both questions is much the same as it is for heterosexual people: by being sexually intimate with someone else.

What Counts as Sex?

Everyone has a different definition of "sex." Many people think that the word sex only refers to penile / vaginal intercourse.

This is a very limited description which excludes a lot of LGBT people.

Really, "sex" includes vaginal, anal and oral sex, body rubbing, using sex toys and even masturbating!

Oral Sex

Oral sex refers to using your mouth on a partner's genitals.

On a penis this is called fellatio. A lot of people also use slang terms like blow job or giving head.

On a vulva it's called cunnilingus. People may also say they "went down" on someone.

There is no one way to have oral sex. So if you are nervous about "doing it right" one of the best things you can do is talk to your partner. Asking what he or she likes, and talking about the situation might seem awkward, but it is really the most likely way to make sure you have a positive experience.

Keep in mind that oral sex can pass STDs. So it is wise to practice safer sex by using a dam for oral sex performed on a girl. Condoms can be used for oral sex performed on a guy.

Anal Sex

Anal sex refers to having sex play involving the anus. Some people have anal intercourse. Others uses toys or fingers anally.

Like oral sex, it is really important to practice safer sex and to use condoms when having anal sex. That's because anal sex can easily pass STDs including HIV.

When it comes to anal sex you should always take your time and stop if anything feels uncomfortable.

Plus, it is a good idea to use lube because the anus generally doesn't produce enough of its own to reduce painful friction. Read more anal sex tips.

Vaginal Sex

Despite the fact that we generally associate vaginal sex with hetero couples, some LGBT teens' first experiences with sex will be vaginal.

This might be the case if a teen is bisexual and their first partner is someone of the opposite gender.

But teens who are gay, lesbian or transgender may also have vaginal sex. This may occur if a teen is questioning his or her orientation. It can also happen if a teen hasn't come out yet, or is just experimenting.

So it's important to know a few things about vaginal sex.

One is that like anal sex it is really important to go slow the first time and to use a lot of lube! When having vaginal sex it is also smart thinking to practice safe sex to avoid STDs and to use birth control so that you aren't hit with the challenges of an unintended pregnancy. Luckily condoms are good on both counts!

Manual Stimulation, Body Rubbing & Sex Toys

There are lots of ways to have sex that don't involve penetration. Body rubbing, manual stimulation (which just means using your hands on a partner) and sex toys are all things teens may try out the first time they have sex.

All these activities are considered lower risk for STDs than are anal, vaginal or oral sex.

But as with any other type of sex play, communication is key because what works for one person might not work for another.

You should know, however, that depending on where you live, it might actually be against the law for you to purchase a sex toy if you are underage!


Read PART TWO for information on the decision to have sex and how to be safe if you do!