Entertainment Love and Romance Mutual Masturbation: Sexual Techniques for Couples Share PINTEREST Email Print Dennie Cody/Photographer's Choice/Getty Images Love and Romance Sexuality Relationships Divorce Teens LGBTQ Friendship By Cory Silverberg York University The Ontario Institute for Studies in Education at The University of Toronto Cory Silverberg is an educator, author, and speaker with a passion for teaching people of all ages about gender and sexuality. our editorial process Facebook Facebook Twitter Twitter Cory Silverberg Updated September 25, 2017 Mutual masturbation sounds like an oxymoron. After all, masturbation is something you do by yourself, right? If someone else is in the room, isn’t that just called having sex? Yes and no. After all, masturbation is its own unique sexual activity. It comes with its own set of practices, intentions, and assumptions. And you can bring those into sex with someone else. Masturbating with a partner might mean you're touching yourselves at the same time, or it might mean you are masturbating with your partner in the room, participating, but not through the touch of their own. Not that you need a list of reasons to try it, but here are a few things people love about mutual masturbation: It's another side of you: sharing talk about masturbation and/or masturbating in your partner’s presence can be a powerful way of sharing a new level of intimacyIt gives you a chance to learn what your partner likes, and teach your partner what works for you.It's a great way to deal with differing sex drives; you don’t both have to be in the mood at the same time. If you haven't tried it before, here are 10 tips to get you started. Get Comfortable With Your Own Masturbation The first step to sharing masturbation with a partner is getting comfortable in your own masturbatory-skin (that’s kind of a gross image, but I think you know what I mean). This may mean educating yourself about masturbation myths or exploring masturbation more on your own first. If you haven’t thought much about how you masturbate start to give it some thought, notice any patterns or familiar fantasy you use. Ultimately you should be able to show, if not talk with your partner about what feels good, so give your self time to figure it out first. Wait until the Time Is Right Don’t pressure yourself (or accept pressure from a partner) to explore mutual masturbation. While it can be a great way to enhance your sex life, it's also very intimate and exposing, and you should only do it when the time is right. If you’re unsure about it, think about what smaller steps you can take to share masturbation with a partner. Talk about Masturbation with Your Partner Before you dive in, it’s a good idea to talk about masturbation with your partner. Even though most people continue to masturbate while in relationships, many couples hide their masturbation. The conversation doesn’t need to be serious or heavy, and it could even start as more of a curiosity, sharing stories about when you first masturbated, or how you learned to masturbate. The point is to get masturbation on the table as a topic as a way of gauging both your and your partners comfort with the subject. Honor Your Need and Desire for Privacy The first time you masturbate with someone else in the room it may feel weird. Most of us have a way we like to masturbate, and for most of us, this includes feeling like we’re alone and have some level of privacy. One way to get over the hump that first time is to keep your eyes closed (or if you don’t want to focus on that, use a blindfold or scarf to cover your eyes). For most people, this is the easiest way to masturbate in front of a partner the first time. Take Turns One of the best things about masturbating in front of your partner is the lessons learned about what turns you on. Each of you should get an opportunity to simply watch the other masturbate without any distractions. The first time you share masturbation, if it feels awkward, you might agree in advance to take turns, one of you starting and masturbating until you’re done, and then the other goes. While simultaneous mutual masturbation can also be fun, letting yourself be the focus of attention can also be both arousing and educational. Mutual Masturbation Sex Positions Once you’re comfortable with mutual masturbation in both theory and practice it's time to mix it up and play with different positions and situations. Doing this can enhance the sexual response you get from masturbation, it can also spark different fantasy scenarios, and lead to more learning for your partner. Try mutual masturbation on different pieces of furniture (if you’re always in bed, try it in a chair, in the shower, on the floor) and experiment with different sex positions. Together but Separate Mutual masturbation can also mean masturbating together without touching each other. From the perspective of spiritual sexuality, the sexual energy built up with masturbation can be shared even if you aren’t physically touching each other. Some people make a game of it, and try to masturbate in sync so they finish together. If you don’t have a lot of time you might compete to see who finishes first. One of the great things about doing this is sharing your feelings as you both lie there satisfied by your own hands, but sharing an intimate moment together. Masturbating Each Other While most of us might think that a hands-off-each-other approach is what defines masturbation, dictionary definitions of mutual masturbation usually include touching each other and there’s no reason not to blur that line. This might include you focusing on another part of your partner’s body while they masturbate, or you might be right in the center of the action. You might use parts of each other's bodies in your own masturbation technique. Or maybe you come in right at the end, to help out with the big finish. Adding Sex Toys Sex toys can add a lot to both solo and mutual masturbation. For starters, toys remind us that sex is play and lots of times it’s just meant to be silly fun. Sex toys also provide a kind of strong, consistent stimulation that we can’t create on our own. Introducing sex toys during mutual masturbation can also be a great way to bring sex toys into your partner sex, and it makes room for you showing your partner first how you like to play with sex toys before they take over. Playing with Eye Contact and Talking At the beginning, if you are uncomfortable with masturbating in front of your partner, making a lot of eye contact or talking might seem too intense. But if you find you both enjoy mutual masturbation and get more comfortable with it, adding eye contact and talking can take it to a different level. Gazing into each other's eyes during any kind of sex play can be intensely intimate and hot. Sharing sexual fantasies or describing what you’d like to do to or with your partner while they masturbate can be another form of sexual fantasy role play.