How to Talk Dirty to Your Lesbian Lover

Couple embracing on couch
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They say that the biggest sex organ is not between your legs, but between your ears. Thus, it's no surprise that you can get turned on by what someone says to you—not just by how they physically touch you. Spice things up in the bedroom by mastering the art of talking dirty to your lesbian lover, whether it's during the act of making love or through sexy texts, emails, or poems.

Talk Dirty to Your Partner

Tell your partner what you want to do to her, and be specific.

Don't say generic things like, "I can't wait to be with you." Instead, tell her what specific thing you're going to do to a certain part of her body. For instance, "I'm going to lick that spot on your... that drives you crazy." Similarly, you can tell her what she's doing to you. Describe the things she's doing that you like, such as "You're driving me insane, I just want you inside of me."

It's important to make some noise as well. When she touches you in the right spot, moan genuinely, and let her know you appreciate what she's doing. Breathe loudly and say, "Oh yes, oh yes!" Go on to tell her you enjoy what she's doing, and ask her to keep going. Let her know if she should add more fingers, or keep licking in that spot—whatever it is that you want her to know. This will enhance the sexual experience for both of you.

Be Assertive

It might be hard, at first, to use the dirty words that you want to say.

We've been told (especially as women) that we don't talk that way. Give it a try anyway. If you're shy to talk dirty in person, try saying certain words and phrases in a sexy email or text. Try to use words that feel especially naughty to you.

Just as you imagined telling your partner what you would do to her, you can also talk dirty about the things you are doing to her while you're being intimate together.

Things like, "Baby, I'm touching your... and then I'm going to..." can help you imagine what to fill in the blanks with.

It's important to find the right tone to keep things sexy. You can lower your voice and be demanding, or talk in a high-pitched squeal. Play around with different ways of expressing what feels comfortable to you. You don't have to do the same thing every time, just do what feels right at the moment.

Make Her Feel Sexy

Tell your partner how amazing she looks, how she makes you feel, and how much she turns you on. Women love to be told that they're beautiful and sexy. Then, you can ask her what she wants directly. Ask things like, "Do you want me to touch you there, baby?" and "How can I really turn you on?" This will help you get her involved in the sexy dirty talk, too.

However, it's important to be authentic and use words that feel unique to you. Don't act out a porn scene, unless that's what you want to do. Dirty talk might be uncomfortable at first, but soon it will be natural. Try to be yourself, or act out your alter-ego or another character. For instance, you can try role-playing. Pretend you're a dirty plumber who's come to fix the leaky faucet, and use the type of vocabulary that a plumber would use to really set the scene.

Just remember that you can always stop if it feels forced or off.

Respect One Another

Dirty talk isn't for everyone. You may like it, but your partner may not. Don't push her to talk dirty back to you if she isn't comfortable with it. Ultimately, it's important to talk about what you both do and do not like. You can even have a designated safeword that you both can use if things get too weird.

For instance, one partner might feel tempted to use words that are degrading to women. She might like that, and it might turn her on. Or, it might turn her completely off. Similarly, using the "B" word might make her feel naughty and wanted, or it can be the worst thing you can call her. Before you launch into any possible offensive territory, have a talk with your lover about what your ground rules around dirty talk are, and discuss implementing a safe word like "Red" which symbolizes "Stop."

If dirty talk is something new for you and your lover, you don't know how it's going to go over. Agree to stay in the moment, if you can, and discuss any feelings about it after sex. Or, agree to giggle together to lighten the mood so you don't feel awkward.