How to Talk Dirty to Your Lover

Couple embracing on couch
Thinkstock Images/Stockbyte/Getty Images

They say the biggest sex organ is not between your legs, but between your ears. You can get turned on as much by what someone says to you as how they touch you. Here are some tips on how to talk dirty to your lover, whether it's during the act of making love, or through sexy text messages, emails or love poems.

  1. Tell her what you want to do.

    Be specific. Don't say, "I can't wait to be with you." Instead, tell her what specific thing you're going to do to a specific body part. "I am going to lick that spot on your ... that drives you crazy."

  1. Tell her what she's doing to you.

    Describe what she's doing to you that you like. "You're driving me crazy, I just want you inside me."

  2. Make noise.

    When she touches you in the right spot, moan and let her know you appreciate it. Breathe loudly, say, "Oh yes, oh yes!" Tell her you like what she's doing. Ask her to keep going. To add more fingers, or keep licking in that spot -- whatever it is that you want her to know. This will enhance the sexual experience for both you and for her.

  3. Say the words out loud.

    It might be hard at first to use the dirty words that you want to say. We've been told, especially as women, that we don't talk that way. But give it a try. If you're shy saying them in person, try them out in a sexy email, when you're alone in your room or in a love note that you do or do not send. I'm not going to list possible dirty words here, but try the ones that feel naughty to you.

  4. Tell her what you're doing.

    If you're not sure what to say, describe what you're doing to her. "Baby, I am touching you .... Then I'm going to ... And I can't wait to...."

  1. Find your voice.

    Are you going to lower your voice and be demanding? Or will you be talking in a high-pitched squeal? Play around with what feels comfortable to you. You don't have to do the same thing every time, just do what feels authentic and right in the moment.

  2. Make her feel sexy

    Tell her how amazing she looks, how she makes you feel and how she turns you on. Women love to be told they're beautiful and sexy.

  1. Ask her what she wants.

    Do you want me to touch you there, baby? How can I really turn you on? Would you like my... on your...? By asking her to tell you what she wants, you'll get her involved in the dirty talk too.

  2. Don't be a porn star

    Use the words that feel comfortable to you. Don't act out a porn scene (unless that's what you want to do.) Dirty talk is probably going to be uncomfortable for you at first. Try to be yourself, or act out your alter-ego, but stop if it isn't feeling right.

  3. Respect one another

    You might feel tempted to use words that are degrading to women. She might like that, it might turn her on. Or it might turn her off. Maybe the "B" word makes her feel naughty and wanted. Maybe it's the worst thing you can call her. Before you launch into possibly offensive territory, have a talk with your lover about what your ground rules around dirty talk are.

  4. Agree to experiment

    If dirty talk is something new for you and your lover, you don't know how it's going to go over. Agree to try it and talk about it later. Agree to stay in the moment, if you can, and discuss any feelings about it after sex. Agree not to giggle if what she's saying sounds silly in the moment. That will only break her confidence and discourage her from practicing and getting better.

  1. Be someone else.

    Role-playing is a good time to experiment with talking dirty. You're the dirty plumber who's come to fix the leaky faucet. Use a plumber's vocabulary, not your social worker self.


  1. Dirty talk isn't for everyone. You may like it, but your partner may not. Don't push her to talk dirty back to you if she isn't comfortable with it.