How to Know When It's Time to Break-Up

Lesbian Relationship Advice

Irritated woman turning back at her girlfriend
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Relationships aren’t always easy. They take work. But how much work? How can you know when it’s time to end the relationship or keep working on it? Although not an exhaustive list, these are some signs that it’s time to let go and move on. These are signs that it might be time to break up from a lesbian relationship.


You fight more than you have fun. This is the first, biggest and most obvious sign that things are not going well in your relationship. The fights used to be about little things, like leaving the dishes undone, but now you both seem to poke at each other’s weak spots and insecurities.

Little things that she used to do that you brushed off, now really push your buttons and you start to bicker. You both seem to pick fights with one another and at the end, you’re left scratching your head and wondering why you’re fighting at all.

Fighting in public. Do you get jealous and start yelling at her in front of all your friends at the bar? Fighting in public, for whatever reason, is a definite sign that your relationship is out of control. If you can’t respect her enough to save the fighting for private, do both of you a favor and break up with her.

Wanting more and more time away from her. When you first got together, all you wanted to do was be at her side. You would stop by her work at lunchtime just to see her smile, you’d spend all weekend together having sex, shopping and watching movies in bed. Now you find yourself wanting to spend more and more time with your buddies or alone at your apartment, working out at the gym or taking on extra shifts at work. Taking some time to yourself is a good thing, but if you find you’re savoring the time away from her more than the time with her, it’s probably time to move on.

Reminiscing about past relationships and ex-girlfriends. Do you find yourself thinking way too much about an ex-girlfriend? Maybe you’ve contacted her and made a lunch date. Or are you looking at your new girlfriend and wishing she was X Y or Z like your ex. If you’re comparing her to someone else and she’s not living up to the comparison, it’s time to let her go and deal with the feelings you still have for your ex.

Not Willing to Put the Effort In

Does she tell you that you’re not trying hard enough, not doing enough to keep the relationship alive and you agree with her? You apologize for your lack of attention, but you don’t do anything to change it. Not good. Quit dragging her along. Let her go.

All You Have Is Memories

All you seem to have it memories of the good times. You’re not creating any new fun memories. Instead of thinking how wonderful things are with your partner and enjoying the moments you’re together, are you getting pissy with one another and reminiscing about the time when you first got together and fell in love. The falling in love part is wonderful, intense and all-consuming and it probably won’t sustain over the long run. Ask yourself if this is all you have. Do you only have the memories and are you not creating any new ones?

You don’t feel attracted to your partner anymore. In the beginning, you couldn’t keep your hands off her. When you saw her walk into a room, your breath caught for a moment and you pinched yourself because you couldn't believe that you are so lucky to have this woman as your girlfriend. Now, when you look at her body, you don’t have those lovey feeling anymore. It could be anyone walking into the room. Pay attention to that.

Listen to your body. What is it telling you? Check your gut. When you think about leaving, what does it say? When you think about staying, what does it say? Your body can give you great clues to what is happening for you and unfortunately, we often don’t pay attention to them.

You feel like the dynamic has gotten unhealthy. You can’t seem to please her. You’re always letting her down and she lets you know. You seem to have the same fight over and over again and there seems to be no resolve. If you can't change the cycle, this could be a sign that it's time to end things.

You don’t plan for the future anymore. You used to talk of moving in together, trips to Paris and the cute dachshund puppy that you wanted to get together one day. Now when you try to talk about the future, she avoids the subject or is noncommittal.

Lack of communication. When you first got together, you couldn’t talk to each other enough. When you weren’t together, you were constantly texting, instant messaging or talking on the phone. Now you notice hours go by and you don’t feel the urge to reach out to her at all.

The sex has stopped. You used to go at it day and night. That’s normal when you first get together. You shouldn’t expect this kind of sexual intensity to continue forever, but you should still want to have sex with her, plan to have sex with her, get excited when she kisses you or touches you in an intimate manner. If you’re not having sex, this could be a sign that things are over, although for lesbians lack of sex alone is not necessarily a reason to break up, it can be a contributing factor.

Have you exhausted every effort to work things out? Especially if this is a long-term relationship, and you have years invested, you might want to consider individual or couple’s counseling to try and work things out before you pull the plug on a relationship. Relationships do take work and if you want to succeed, you do have to put some work in. Call in a professional and see if she can help you work it out, or if not, break-up in a way that is healthy for both of you.