Entertainment Love and Romance Knowing If You Should Get Back With Your Ex Share PINTEREST Email Print Christian Vierig Love and Romance Relationships Divorce Teens LGBTQ Friendship By Stacey Laura Lloyd Stacey Laura Lloyd Writer B.A., Art History and Creative Writing, University of Pennsylvania Stacey Laura Lloyd is an author with a passion for helping others find happiness and success in their dating lives as well as in their relationships. Learn about our Editorial Process Updated on 03/15/19 After a breakup, whether it happened last week or last year, it’s not uncommon to want to get back with your ex. You had a great and loving rapport at one point in time, you cared for them deeply, and you saw a real future together. Now that you’re no longer a couple, you can’t help but want to get back together. Fortunately, there are five key steps that you can take if you’d like to try to get your ex back for good in every respect. 1. Make Sure Your Ex Is Worth It Before you fully decide that you want to get your ex back, you should first take a closer look at their actions when you were together. When you consider their behavior as a partner with a more critical eye, it can be easier to determine if this person is even worth your time in trying to get back. For instance, if your ex was controlling, possessive, jealous, or physically or emotionally abusive in any way at any point, you should say good riddance and not waste another second. You should only aim to have positive and loving people in your life, and if your ex was inconsiderate, unreasonable, and unreliable, you can consider yourself lucky that you are no longer with them. 2. Take Time to Work Through Your Emotions When you're recovering from a breakup, you can experience a whirlwind of different feelings and emotions, such as sadness, disappointment, and frustration. It’s imperative that you're able to take some time to deal with these kinds of emotions if you want to get your ex back. For instance, if you don't take a moment to work through the breakup and are still deeply wrapped up in these feelings, your attempt to get back with your ex will be far more futile because your emotions are still raw, painful, and right on the surface. You may end up doing or saying things you regret because you haven’t taken the time you need to reflect and collect your thoughts. However, if you give each other space and use this time to make sense of what happened, you’ll be better able to one day have a real conversation with your ex in a levelheaded and mature manner. 3. Determine What You’d Like to Change Going Forward If you want to get back together with your ex, you have to be able to rationally reevaluate your relationship and look for areas of potential growth. For instance, if you and your partner had a tendency to fight about chores, you can think about ways you’d change this dynamic going forward and what plans you’d put in place to avoid these arguments in the future. By looking for opportunities to improve upon your past relationship with one another, modify your behavior when necessary, and keep suggestions in mind for your ex to adjust their actions as well, you can be better prepared to possibly have a relationship again without having to deal with the same issues that caused turmoil in the past. 4. Reach Out to Your Ex When you feel totally ready, you should reach out to your ex, and how you decide to make contact is up to you. Whether you prefer to call, text, email, send a Facebook message or even send a handwritten note, you should aim to select a method that works best for both of you. While you don’t have to pour your heart out and compose a novel, you can simply ask if your ex would be up to meet you for coffee or for a quick bite. If your goal is to get them back, then being able to have an adult conversation can help give you the perfect opportunity to express how you’ve been feeling and what you’re hoping for going forward. While every situation is different, having a conversation in person can be a great way for you to finally share your feelings face to face, with an open mind and an open heart. 5. Be Prepared for Whatever Happens Firstly, it’s important to recognize that your ex may refuse to meet you. If this is the case, you have to be mature and secure enough to accept this decision and move on. However, if your ex agrees to meet up, it’s important that you’re totally prepared for your time together. While you may feel nervous and anxious, you should already know the gist of what you’d like to say. Being honest and forthright about your feelings, whether you were the initiator of the breakup or not, can help let them know exactly what you’re going through at this point. Whether this means forgiving or apologizing, having a future together means that you’re willing to look toward the future and learn from the past rather than dragging it into this new version of your relationship. When you extend an olive branch to your ex and show them that you want to rekindle your romance, this can help to set the stage for a new and improved relationship together.