Learn How to Flirt With Gay Men

Gay male couple meeting on street
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Flirting is more of an art than a science, and techniques have definitely been upgraded over the years from the traditional gay cruise. Anonymous nods aren't enough these days. Guys want the effort along with the interest. Here's how to flirt and get a guy's attention.

When He's Across the Room

  • Make contact. Position yourself in front or near him, preferably where you can make eye contact. Not all guys like to be touched by strangers, so try to connect with his eyes first.
  • Keep your glance. Keep your glance for at least a few seconds after you've locked eyes. Remember, you're flirting, not starring him down. Keep it playful.
  • Drop your eyes. Gently move your glance elsewhere after you've locked eyes with him, then shift your eyes back to him and make contact again. Give a soft smile.
  • Make a move. He knows you're interested at this point. He'll either repeatedly connect with your glances, smile back or both if he's into you. It's time to make a move and seal the deal. This is often the hardest part for most guys.

Sealing the Deal 

He'll eventually tire of playing peek-a-boo so don't miss your window to say hello. You have two choices here. You can use the "heat seeking" technique where you walk right up to him, introduce yourself and keep the conversation going. Or you can try the "hit and run" move. Write your number down on a piece of paper, give it to him, ask him to go out with you, then walk away.

I was eating dinner with friends once when a guy came up to the table, set a piece of paper in front of me and said, "You. Me. Dinner this weekend." I sat there stunned and he just walked away. Did I call? You bet, if only for the intrigue.

Here are a couple of more tips:

  • Maintain your cool. One thing I loved about the 70s is that the dudes were laid back and cool. "Smooth" is what my dad called it. They were able to be direct and get a point across. They accomplished their love agendas in a few seamless gestures. Perfect your inner roller girl cool by practicing these flirting techniques. Be smooth with your glances, your look-back, your approach and your follow-up.
  • About that follow-up ... The hard part is over. He's intrigued. Now all you have to do is follow up. If you say you're going to call, call. Keep your cool and wait at least a day before blowing his phone up.

When He's Walking Toward You 

Use the steps above to flirt with him when a guy is walking toward you, but keep his glance until you pass him instead of dropping your eyes. Then do what I call the "double look-back." 

  • Slow your pace and look back over your shoulder.
  • Hold your look to see if he also glances back. If he does, you've got him.
  • If you want a little more assurance that he's interested, keep walking then glance again. He's ready to talk if he responds with yet another look-back. 
  • Slowly turn around and either stop or walk toward him.
  • Start your small talk when you're face to face. 

Offense and "smooth cool" wins the game of flirting. You have only a few seconds to capture his attention and keep it, so make the most of it.