A Beginner's Guide to Sexual Edging

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In a sexual context edging is kind of like playing chicken with an orgasm. It refers to a sexual activity when you bring yourself or a partner right up to the point of orgasm but then pull back on the stimulation just before release, and then repeat the process. 

Edging can be lots of fun and it’s also a great way to deepen your connection to your own, or someone else’s sexual response. Here are a few tips and techniques for edging.

Try It Yourself First

If you’re interested in doing edging with a partner the best way to practice is on your own. Masturbate but don’t let yourself orgasm. Instead, bring yourself right to the point of release and slow down or stop stimulation. Do this a few times before letting yourself finish. Pay attention to how your body changes as you get closer to orgasm, and where the energy goes as you tease yourself up and then down again.


For most people edging is most effective using your hands. If you’ve got good motor control and dexterity in your hands it allows you to control the pressure and location of stimulation and adjust the speed of stimulation easily. If your hands aren’t the part of your body you can use the most, use whatever body parts you have the greatest control over. If you’ve come to rely on penetration play it might be a good opportunity to reacquaint yourself with the art of the handjob for women or handjob for men.

It’s All About the Other Person

If you’re edging with a partner, it’s all about them. The sexual thrill of being the edger is the control you have, and often the lustful pleading you get to be on the receiving end of. But to do this well, you need to tune 100% into your partner, the edgee. This means paying close attention to verbal and non-verbal communication and being open to feedback all the time. It also means being confident enough to take direction without taking offense.

Engage All Your Senses

Listen to the sounds of your partner breathing, notice how shallow breaths sound different than deep breaths. Listen for the difference between a moan that signals impending orgasm and a moan of erotic frustration. Look at their naked body. The skin can change color at different stages of arousal and you may notice goosebumps or other surface changes. You can also look for changes in muscle tension and relaxation. Pay attention to what they’re doing with other body parts, fingers, toes, hands, shoulders. You can also feel differences in temperature and body movement.

Be Prepared to Change the Stimulation

Practice different ways of stimulation, varying the kind of touch from light as a feather to firm and controlling. You can also change the direction of stimulation from up-and-down to circles to a pump/squeeze motion. As you become a more masterful edger you can try to change the stimulation more gradually so the edgee doesn’t even notice a sudden stop, but instead slowly ramps up and down without reaching climax until you’re ready for them to.

Change the Location of Stimulation

You can also bring your partner back from the brink of orgasm by switching up where you stimulate them. Unless you’re trying to be punitive avoid just stopping stimulation altogether. Instead, you can move from the genitals to other body parts (knees, nipples, thighs, etc…) If you want to make the ramping down transition smoother, integrate these other kinds of touch and places to touch during the ramping up part.

Make the Edgee Work for It

It’s your responsibility to be in tune with your partner’s level of arousal, but you don’t have to do all the work. They can use sexual breathing techniques or squeeze their pelvic muscles to exert some control. And most importantly they can talk to you, telling you when they’re about to reach orgasm.

Edging for Stronger Orgasms

Edging isn’t just a fun way to bring some teasing into your sex play. Most people report that orgasms from edging are more intense and stronger. If you already orgasm regularly and are looking for a way to expand orgasmic potential, playing with edging can show you what your body is capable of experiencing. It can also be powerful for the partner providing the stimulation as, when it’s done well, it shows how much power to please we all have.

Edging for Education

Education might not sound like a sexy motivating factor, but in order to do edging well, you need to pay close attention to your partner's body during sexual arousal and orgasm. The process of learning the cues about when they are near orgasm, what they look and sound like as they are ramping up to orgasm, and what they’re like as they are coming down, is a process of becoming more aware and attuned to their sexual experience. This ability to connect will enhance almost any sexual experience with them.

Edging in Power Play

When it comes to the consensual exchange of power, sometimes called “power play” or BDSM, edging is kind of a perfect sexual game to play. Some people will incorporate edging into sex play where the partner being stimulated is tied up. When done properly, the edgee ends up begging for release and is rewarded for their patience with an orgasm that is all the more intense for having been built up over time.