How to Deal with being Jealous in a Relationship

5 Ways to Stop Being So Jealous About Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend

So, you've got a boyfriend or girlfriend and things seems to be going well.  But, for some reason you find yourself bothered by the attention that your boyfriend or girlfriend gets from other people. You feel like you can't stand it when your sweetie's ex is around, and you just about go cray-cray when he or she mentions their name.    If any of this sounds like you, you've got yourself a jealous streak, and you might want to do something about it before you scare your boo away. 

If you do something foolish about it - like blame your boyfriend or girlfriend, or lash out at the ex - your sweetheart might just break up with you.  Handle your jealousy in a calm way by using these 5 ways to ward off those jealous thoughts.

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Recognize Why You're Jealous

Young couple on a park bench sitting back to back
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People will rarely go out of their ways to make you feel jealous.  Instead, jealousy in relationships usually comes from insecurity that you feel about yourself or about your relationship.  When you feel a pang of jealousy, try to figure out what's really at the root of it. Is it something that you have been struggling with for a long time (even before you met your boyfriend or girlfriend)?  Do you find that this jealousy is a pattern in all of your relationships? You'll probably find that solving the problem involves changing something about you rather than changing the way your girlfriend or the people around her act.

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Build Up Your Self-Esteem

Confident people aren't jealous because they know they don't have a reason to be. Take a little time every day to do stuff that makes you feel good about yourself. Try telling yourself positive affirmations, writing in a journal, or listening to positive motivational talks to build your self-esteem.  When insecure thoughts do enter your head, try to push them out. Choose to see the bright side of things and choose to look for positive alternatives to stressful situations.  Little by little, your confidence will build, and you'll care less about what other people think.

  • How to Build Your Self-Esteem
  • What's the Deal with Low Self-Esteem?
  • More Tips on Building Self-Confidence
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Quit Comparing

You're probably tempted to compare yourself to the other girls in your boyfriend's life, and to keep double-checking to make sure your boyfriend thinks you're prettier and cooler than they are. Snap out of it! When it comes to dating, people can't be compared like that. Comparison kills confidence!! No matter what your boyfriend's exes and female friends are like, he likes you for you

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Put Yourself in Other People's Shoes

If your girlfriend has an ex-boyfriend who wants her back, think about how you'd feel if you were him: probably pretty hopeless and depressed.  You have more reason to feel bad for him than to be angry at him.  You've got the prize, your boyfriend or girlfriend.  So, don't waste time being jealous because jealousy often leads to arguments, fight, and feelings of insecurity.  Use your time wisely with your sweetie by enjoying each other instead of dramatizing the past.  

  • What is Empathy?
  • How to Become More Empathetic
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Remember that Acting Jealous Doesn't Help Anything

In fact, jealousy in relationships only makes things worse - especially if it changes the way you act around your boyfriend or girlfriend. Why ruin a perfectly good relationship with negative thoughts? Get positive! Focus on the good times that you and your partner have together. Think about ways that you can show him or her that you appreciate them, and plan little surprises for them every now and then to let them know that their on your mind.  Here are some other tips to point you in the right direction:

  • How to Practice Positive Thinking
  • Quotes on Positive Thinking
  • Smile More to Be Happier

Article updated by Keisha Howard, Teen Advice Expert.