How to Be a Good Girlfriend

For Lesbian Relationship Success

Why don’t lesbian relationships last? That’s a question I get asked a lot. There’s an assumption is this question that lesbian relationships don’t last. But after you meet a few couples who have been together for 20, 25, 30 years or more, you’ll start to see that lesbian relationships can a do last.

If you want a quality lesbian relationship, one that will stand the test of time, it’s important to be a good partner or girlfriend. When you’re in a relationship, you have to balance your needs with those of your partner and those of your relationship (and children, if you have them.) It can be easier said than done when emotions, ego, and desires get in the way.

Here are a few ideas for things you can do to make yourself a better girlfriend.

01
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Be a Good Listener

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Most people think they’re good listeners. But being one takes practice. Make eye contact, turn off the TV, don’t interrupt, don’t jump to conclusions, don’t get defensive. Let her know you’re hearing what she has to say. Wait until she’s finished before you respond or address what she’s saying.

02
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Keep Your Promises

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Say you’re going to make it to dinner with her boss, show up. Be on time and be present. If you make a promise, it should be your number one priority to keep it. If you think something might get in the way, then say so upfront. “Honey, I’d love to be there and I will make every effort, but I’ve got a meeting with that difficult client that day. I’ll do my best to make sure everything goes smoothly with that, so I can be there for you.” This applies to promises big and small. Keep them all.

03
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Be Independent, Yet Attentive

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It’s a fine balance sometimes between being true to yourself and being a good partner. Sometimes you’ll err on one side or another, but your goal should be to be someone who can take care of yourself, and still be there for your partner when she needs you. Don’t be needy or clingy. That’s a definite turn-off. Be strong, but not aloof. Be there for her, but don’t smother her.

04
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Admit to Mistakes When You Make Them

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Then apologize. Then make it up to her.
05
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Create Rituals, Inside Jokes, Nicknames and Other Fun Things

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There are things that make the two of you unique. Remember the song that was playing when you first met? An inside joke that makes you both crack up? A cute nickname you create for one another? These small things go a long way to gel your connection to one another. When she’s having a hard day, send her an email with a link to the song that reminds her of you. Find cute things to share with her that remind you of her. It’s the little things that make her know you’re thinking of her and that she’s special.

06
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Develop Dreams of Who or What You Want to Be, Both Individually and as a Couple

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When you first get into a new relationship, sometimes you drop all other things and throw yourself wholeheartedly into this new fling. Once the intensity wears off, get back to working on yourself and your dreams for yourself. Don’t let yourself get stagnant because you’re in a relationship. Get excited about things you want for yourself, but also things you want as a couple. You might want to complete your degree in Engineering and get a great teaching job. Keep working for that, while also saving for the romantic trip to Paris, having kids or buying a home.

07
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Take Care of Your Health

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Don’t be that person who gets into a relationship and then ignores her health. Being with someone is not an excuse to get lazy about exercising or eating well. Cook good and healthy food together, join a gym or exercise together, or separate. Taking care of yourself shows that you want to be around for her for the long run.

08
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Create Sexy Time

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This isn’t just any relationship; this is a romantic partnership with someone you’re intimate with. If you want to be a good girlfriend, pay attention to her sexual needs and desires. Make romantic dates. Make sex dates. Have spontaneous sex. Have planned sex. Be adventurous. Take risks. Step outside of your comfort zone. Focus on her pleasure more than your own. Good sex can do a lot to keep a relationship going.

09
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Be Honest and Trustworthy

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Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep. Don’t cheat on her, lie to her or hide things from her (unless it’s a surprise party.) She wants to know you’re true to your word.

10
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Give Her Space

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Everyone needs time to herself from time to time. Let her have her moment to stew when she’s upset, or to follow her own desires and interests. If you live together, make sure that each of you has alone time in-house occasionally, or on a regular basis. Time when you’re by yourself with no one watching and no expectations is important to being a well-balanced individual, which in turn, will make you a better girlfriend.

11
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Respect Her Differences

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You might have different ideas about money, fashion or what TV shows you like. You might be out to everyone and she might be closeted at work still. You might have different spiritual beliefs. One of you may be vegan and the other loves bacon. Try to see things from her point of view, don’t try to change her. Respect her where she is in her journey. If you can’t accept her for who she is, then this might not be the relationship for you.

12
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Keep Your Friendships and Encourage Her to Keep Hers

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Your friends ground you, help you blow off steam, tell you when you’re messing up and allow you to be yourself without judgment. It’s important to develop strong and lasting relationships outside of your romantic relationship.

13
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Make Time for Play

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Develop common interests and enjoy them. Invite friends over for card night or go see a comedy show. Adopt a couple of kittens and watch them play or race stock cars together. Keep the lightness and fun in your relationship no matter what other hard or trying things you’re dealing with.