How Do You Get a Girlfriend? Part 1

The Girlfriend Search

What is something a lot of lesbian teens want to know? Easy: "How can I get a girlfriend?"

As one teen writes:

"I am 16, and I will be 17 in a couple of months and I STILL have never been in a relationship, and I'm talking NEVER. NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND, NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND. (I'm a girl and I'm gay, by the way).
And I feel awful about myself. Every time I come on the LGBT Teen sites, I hear people complaining about their relationships, and how they cant be open about being in a relationship to everyone in their family, or wanting to tell your parents that you have a girl/boyfriend. Do any of you realize how lucky you are?
I doubt I will be in a relationship for at least another two years (if I'm lucky enough to even be in a relationship then), which would make me 18/19.
Is there something completely wrong with me? Am I so stupid to think that if you are older than 16 and are still a single, inexperienced gay girl, who is perfectly kind to everyone, that you are in fact a sad pathetic loser that will probably NEVER EVER be in a relationship or be 'with' another girl?!?!
I'm sorry to complain so much. I know I must sound really selfish, but this is worrying me very much. I'm so afraid of being alone that I cant stand it anymore."

First off, though it might seem like there are a ton of young gay and lesbian teens in same sex relationships, there are probably a whole lot more who actually feel the way you do. In fact, kids come on this site all the time saying that they really want a boyfriend or girlfriend. And while you might feel pathetic or worry that you will be single forever, these fears and feelings aren't really based in reality.

So what can a person in your situation do to speed up the process of finding a girlfriend? You probably know, there is no "one-size-fits-all" formula for finding a girlfriend. 

But here are a few ideas:

  1. Come out. 
  2. Go for girls who are also out. 
  3. Go for a girl who might like you back. 
  4. Put yourself out there. Start a gay / straight alliance. Or join a basketball team or the debate society. 
  5. Understand the difficulties of dating online. 
  6. Don't expect someone to become your girlfriend immediately. 

Now you might do all of this and still not have a girlfriend right away. Please don't beat yourself or get too upset if that happens. A lot of teens of all sexual orientations want relationships and for some kids, it just happens sooner than it does for others.

Keep reading part two for more information on the tips to for getting a girlfriend.


  • How Do You Get a Boyfriend?
  • How Do I Tell My Girlfriend I'm Gay?
  • LGBT Teen Dating
  • A Single Queer Teen Wants to Meet Someone
  • LGBT Teen Dating & Relationships
  • I'm a Single Lesbian Teen, Will I Ever Meet Anyone?
  • How Do You Get a Boyfriend?