How Do I Know if My Crush is Gay?

crush
How can a gay teen know if his crush feels the same?. Image (c) Steve Wampler

One of the hardest things is figuring out if the person that you like, likes you back. Here a teen wants to know how to tell if his crush could feel the same way.

A 13-year-old writes:

"I like a boy I met at the library. I'm thirteen and no one knows I'm gay. But he always smiles and I think he flirts with me. But I'm thirteen how do I know?"

Here's the short answer from another teen: "It's impossible to know for sure without actually asking him.

It sucks, but that's how it works."

Now for some more information from me!

This is both a really common and a really complicated situation. It can be really hard to tell if someone is flirting or just being friendly and kidding around.

This is particularly true for GLBT teens who typically have same-sex friends who they don't have any feelings for.

There is also the question of whether this guy is even interested in other guys. He very well might be, but then again, that might not be on his radar at all. So like the advice above, I am going to reiterate, that if you aren't sure what is going on the only way to find out is to ask or to have someone (like a friend you really trust) ask for you.

But as you probably realize, doing this can be risky! This guy might not respond the way you are hoping. He could become hostile or even homophobic and he could tell other people that you like him. If you aren't out, telling him how you feel might out you in a way you aren't ready for.

But it could also work out really well. He very well might be flirting and feeling the same way as you are, and you would have never known without having a conversation.

Ultimately, there is no secret trick or hidden sign indicating whether or not someone is into you. It is really up to you to figure out whether now is the time that you want to dive into this kind of situation or whether you would feel better holding off.