How Do I Have Sex With a FTM Partner?

Sign at the Trans March
Sign at a "Trans March". Image (c) Transguyjay

A teen is concerned about having sex with her FTM partner for the first time and asks for advice. She writes,

"I have finally found a site where I can ask questions without being judged! Well, I recently met a great guy, and I'm fast falling for him, the only thing that's stopping me, is the sex thing. Up until now I have only been with cisgendered men and I don't know how to make love to an ftm guy. Help! I have perfomance anxiety! I wanna do it right!


A lot of people feel nervous about having sex "right." But really there is no one way to have sex, whether the person is cisgender of not. One of the best ways to address concerns about sex in any situation is to talk about it. But talking about sex can be hard. A lot of people are embarrassed to talk about sex, or just don't know how to do so. Others think that sex is something you should automatically know how to do, and that talking about it somehow indicates that you aren't a good sexual partner.

Really, nothing could be further from the truth, and if you are encountering a new situation, like having a cisgender partner for the first time, the best thing to do is to tell your partner how you are feeling and what your concerns are.

A few teens had advice as well. One says,

"I'm approximately FtM (though my gender is much more complicated than that) and my boyfriend is strictly FtM. The thing that's tricky about dating & having sex with trans folks is that they're all different, so there's no one way that's right for your boyfriend. Basically, the key is communication. He's the only one who knows what he's okay with, so you'll have to ask him. It might seem awkward at first, but you don't have to make a big production of it. Also, it's not always *how* you touch someone as much as *where.* What I'm saying is, it's very possible to make a transguy feel very uncomfortable by, for example, touching his chest as you would touch a bio-male's simply because that forces him to acknowledge its presence."

That's pretty solid advice coming from someone who knows! Ultimately, however you decide to have sex, being considerate of your partner's feelings and both of your comfort levels, is going to help you out a lot!