How Do I Ask a Girl Out?

Teens Sitting on Steps
Dating can be Awkward. © adam kurzok

Question: How Do I Ask a Girl Out?

I am a 16-year-old girl, a sophomore in high school and for two years now I have found my self attracted to males and females. I am not sure how to date girls though I am scared that I might ask a straight girl out and be the laughing stock of the entire school. Please help me with dating women how can I tell if they are straight or not. The worst part is I am not even good at dating guys. Please Help

Dear Hopeless,

First of all, remember that hardly anyone is “good at dating.” Dating can be fun, but most times is awkward and a bit stressful. You really put yourself on the line when you risk asking someone out. No matter what their gender, you risk rejection and embarrassment.

I’m going to suggest you change your outlook a little. Why not slowly let people you trust know that you’re bisexual. Instead of asking a girl “out on a date”, how about you spend some time to get to know someone you like. Hang out with her while other friends are present. If you think you like her, invite her to do something alone with you, like coming over to watch a movie or going to a high school basketball game. As you get to know her better, bring up the topic of homosexuality, to see how she feels about gays and lesbians, if she knows anyone gay or bisexual or if she’s ever been attracted to a girl herself. Check out these tips for talking about being lesbian or bisexual with your friends.

Come out to her

As you get to know her and become friends, this is a good time to let her know you are bisexual yourself. At age 16, a lot of people may not have thought much about their sexual orientation, who they are attracted to and who they want to date. By coming out and talking openly about yourself, you give her permission to do the same in her life. You also give her permission to view you as a potential dating partner, if she is lesbian or bisexual or bicurious herself. 

Is there chemistry?

As you get to know her better, you’ll sense if there is chemistry between you. Then you will have a better sense if you should ask her out or not. Chemistry will happen if you find yourselves sitting close to one another a lot, touching a hand or arm when talking, holding hugs for a bit longer than you do with other friends, or looking into each other's eyes for long moments. Pay attention to the energy. Sure, you're attracted to her, but does she reciprocate in a way that makes you feel she's attracted to you as well? If so, this might be a good time for you to make the first move. 

I understand the desire at age 16 to want to have a girlfriend, to ask someone out on a date and to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. But truly, the best relationships often start out as friendships. So, don't be afraid to take your time, take it slow and get to know someone before you take the

You also might want to see if there is a gay/straight alliance or gay youth support group in your area. That can be a good way to meet other teens who will at least be open to being asked out by another girl.

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