How Do Gay and Lesbian People Lose Their Virginity?

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Though some people believe that you can only lose your virginity through vaginal sex, many people think that oral and anal sex are also ways to "lose virginity." They aren't. Here are some of the reasons for this.

The Hymen

There has been a long standing association between virginity and a woman's hymen. The hymen is the thin piece of skin that lies over the opening of the vagina. Though it can be stretched during vaginal sex, it can also be stretched masturbating, during other types of sex play, doing gymnastics, riding a bike or a horse, or even using a tampon.

Using the hymen as a measure of virginity isn't an accurate way to determine this for a few reasons:

  • If a hymen is the test then how could a man ever lose his virginity?
  • There are many non-sexual ways to stretch the hymen.
  • Doing so excludes any sex act that doesn't involve a vagina.

Expanding Our Understanding of Sex

Though everyone has their own ideas about what counts as sex, a lot of people would agree that vaginal, anal, and oral sex, are all sex.

So keeping this in mind, it would stand to reason that LGBT folks lose their virginity like straight people do, by having sex with another person.

Virginity from a Queer Teen's Perspective

Here is one teen lesbian's take on the question of how gay and lesbian people lose their virginity:

"There's such a debate on whether gay people lose their virginity or not (especially lesbians) if they only have sex during their lifetime with the same sex. Of course we do! It's so stupid to think that you can only lose your virginity though heterosexual intercourse, I mean, you wouldn't think of someone that had only had oral sex as a virgin would you!?

Personally, I think you can lose your virginity through any form of sex / making love (I prefer the term making love, I'm such a girl!) whether it be intercourse, oral, anal, gay, lesbian etc.

But I think that a lot of sex education, and a lot of doctors, don't believe this, and think that anything other than straight intercourse doesn't count as having sex / making love."

Maybe it's Time to Just Get Over the Whole Idea of Virginity

Some people criticize the whole notion of virginity. Emphasis on virginity can place a lot of importance on something that seems pretty old fashioned. But for many people, the concept of virginity is a big one, whether they are trying to hold on to it, or get rid of it as soon as possible.


Really, virginity, and how you feel about it, is a super personal thing. But no matter what you believe, it is important to remember that sex between people of the gender is just as "real" as is sex between opposite gender partners.

Unfortunately, a lot of old fashioned ideas about it remain.