How Can I Stop My Divorce?

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Question: How Can I Stop My Divorce?

Answer:

Thanks to no-fault divorce laws there is no legal way to stop a divorce once the process begins. Under no-fault divorce laws, an individual has a right to obtain a divorce without having to prove grounds for a divorce or, get permission for a spouse.

In other words, we no longer live in the fifties where a spouse had to prove infidelity or domestic abuse in order to extract themselves from a bad marriage.

Under the law marriage is considered a contract and laws are set up to protect the one who wishes to break the contract, not the one who wishes to continue in the contract.

If your motivation for wanting to stop your divorce is to restore the marriage you have no legal recourse. You can m+ake legal maneuvers that will stall your divorce and drag it out but, eventually, your spouse will be able to divorce you.

However, if you and your spouse decide to reconcile, the legal process can be stopped by withdrawing the petition for divorce. This would have to be done by the spouse who filed the original divorce petition.

It is possible to stop a divorce via reconciliation if you are able to show your spouse that you have changed, are willing to work on the problems in the marriage and your spouse’s heart is open to “trying again.”

If you truly wish to stop a divorce that is already in process the following advice may help.

But, only if your spouse still has some emotional investment in the marriage and willingness to try.

3 Ways to Respond and Hopefully Put the Brakes on Your Divorce:

1. When you learn of the divorce, temper your response. Do not respond angrily or with hostility. Show concern for the fact that your spouse has, emotionally, gotten to the point that he/she feels divorce is their only solution.

You can't fix a broken marriage by behaving in a manner that breaks it even further. If your spouse has withdrawn from you and the marriage to the point of filing for a divorce, you will have to swallow your pride and hurt feelings in order to be open to what your spouse may need from you for them to consider restoring the marriage. 

Playing nice doggy and rolling over with someone who has walked away from their marriage isn't easy but, if your desire is to save the marriage it's something you will need to be willing to do. 

2. Take responsibility for your role in the problems in the marriage. Give your spouse the opportunity to share with you how they are feeling and what they consider the problems and respond by validating their feelings and offering to work with them toward finding solutions for the problems.

This means being able to view the situation from your spouse's perspective. You may hear what your spouse has to say and be dumbfounded, think they are crazy or even pulling excuses out of thin air but, it's their perspective and invalidating how your spouse feels won't get you any closer to restoring your marriage. 

3. Ask your spouse to put the divorce on hold until you two have worked with a marital therapist.

Explain to your spouse that you feel there hasn't been enough work done to repair the problems in the marriage and you feel it only fair and respectful of them to put in some work before making an exit. 

Whether or not you are able to stop your divorce will depend greatly on how severe the marital problems are and how emotionally withdrawn your spouse has become.