Help! My Husband Spends Too Much Time with Friends!

Newlyweds Need Friends and Time Together Too

USA, New Jersey, Jersey City, three men watching television
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When you are newly married, it is important to spend time together to adjust to your new life. What if your husband spends too much time with his friends? Should you speak up about your feelings or sweep things under the rug? 

A lot of men and women need to spend time away from their spouse with friends. That said, if your husband is spending too much time with friends, you may feel resented or neglected.

(​The same is true for husbands as well.) When one person is hurting, it can harm the relationship.

Some men may not want to change their relationships with their friends after getting married, or think their marriage will need to shift. Others may not realize that they can still maintain those friendships ​and prioritize the needs of their spouse. 

What should you do if your husband is more interested in game night as opposed to date night?

Talking to Your Husband About Spending Time With Friends

The first step to resolving this problem is understanding how you feel. Why do you think this upsets you? Is your husband spending more time with friends than before you were married? Are the friends invading your new home, or keeping him away from it? Are you being fair or do you have issues with trust?

Next, tell your spouse how you feel. Let him know that you’d like to spend more alone time with him.

You may or may not want time exclusively alone.  Explain that while you respect his need to spend time with his friends, you want to devote time to your relationship. 

Listening to His Feelings

Make sure to ask your spouse to share his reaction to your feelings. Does he see where you are coming from?

What are his expectations for how his friendships should be now that you are married? See what ideas he has for resolving the problem. Then, you must negotiate and compromise until you come up with a schedule and ground rules about having friends over or going out with them. You should discuss which activities that you, as a couple, deem appropriate with friends. Maybe you do not think that going to the bar with friends is appropriate, or maybe you would like to see less (or more) of his friends in your home.

Be open and sensitive to your spouse’s need for friends. He may not be trying to get away from you if he spends a lot of time with friends. He may be trying to prove to himself that he can balance all of his relationships. Ultimately, discuss the matter together and come up with a solution as a couple. Refrain from speaking badly of your husband’s friends.

With a good talk, hopefully you and your spouse can come up with an arrangement that honors your time together and respects time spent apart.