Harry Potter Jokes That Are Magically Hilarious

There are few literary or cinematic phenomena more popular worldwide than the Harry Potter series. Penned by author J.K. Rowling, the story of a boy who survived an assassination attempt in infancy, discovered he's a wizard at age 11, and grew up to defeat the most evil wizard on the planet has enveloped countless fans in a magical universe that we sometimes wish was real. How cool would it be to be able to cast a spell to fix our eyeglasses, heal broken bones, travel from place to place in a flash, and oh yeah, murder evil wizards? Pretty cool... (except for that murdering part).

Like any good book and movie franchise, Harry Potter has inspired countless funny jokes that are sprinkled throughout the internet like floo powder. Here are some of the best ones ever shared.

Jokes About the Fandom

On a scale from one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you?
About nine and three quarters.

What do you call a Potterhead on a horse?
Harry Trotter.

You don't get my Harry Potter jokes?
There must be something RON with you.

How does Harry potter get down a hill?
Walking J/K Rolling.

Jokes About the Hogwarts Houses

How many Hufflepuffs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
All of them.

What do you call a Hufflepuff with one brain cell?
Gifted.

What do you call a Hufflepuff with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?
Just one. He puts his wand in the cauldron and the world revolves around him.

Jokes About Magic

What do wizards in Harry Potter use instead of laxatives?
Expellianus.

Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!

How many muggles does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. It is the only thing they are good for.

Why can't Harry Potter tell apart his potions pot and his best mate?
Because they're both cauldron.

Why did Severus Snape stand in the middle of the road?
So nobody could tell what side he was on!

Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?
Because he was cursing in class.

What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?
Why so Sirius?

Why aren't there any guns in Harry Potter?
Because Hogwarts is in England not America.

Jokes About Death Eaters

How do you know if someone's a pure-blood?
Don't worry, they'll let you know.

Why did Death Eaters cross the road?
The Dark Lord ordered it.

How do Death Eaters freshen their breath?
With Dementos.

Jokes About "He Who Shall Not Be Named"

Why does Voldemort only use Twitter and not Facebook?
Cause he only has followers, not friends.

Why doesn't Voldemort have glasses?
Nobody nose.

What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn't?
A NOSE!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
You know.
You know who?

Quidditch Jokes

What did the golden snitch say when Harry Potter was itchy?
Quidditching!

How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?
With quit-itch.

Jokes About the Books

I love Harry Potter but after re-reading the chapter "The Deathday Party" I realized something about Nearly Headless Nick.
He was a very poorly executed character.

Why did Harry Potter cross the road?
No reason, but someone will write fan fiction about it.

What is Bigfoot's favorite book?
Hairy Potter.

What's the most unrealistic thing about the Harry Potter books?
A ginger with two friends.

What's the difference between Hermione's cat and a comma?
Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

Where might you find Dumbledore's Army?
Up his sleeve-y! 

Why is Mad Eye Moody such a terrible teacher?
Because he can't control his pupils.

The barman says, “We don’t serve time-travelers here.”
Hermione walks into a pub with a Time-Turner.

Professor Quirrell walks into a bar, unwraps his turban, and presents the Dark Lord’s face to the barman. The Dark Lord orders a beer.
“Sorry, can’t serve you,” the bartender says. “You’re already out of your head.” 

I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light-hearted.
The fifth one was dead Sirius.

Harry Potter fans be like: "I wanna go to Hogwarts!"
Narnia fans be like: ”I wanna go to Narnia!”
Hunger Games fans be like: ”I’m good...”