Happy Gilmore Movie Quotes

Carl Weathers And Adam Sandler In 'Happy Gilmore'

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If you enjoy funny movies, you will find "Happy Gilmore," starring Adam Sandler, worth your time (and money). What's more, the comical quotes in the movie are great even for repeat viewing. The humor is sarcastic and you can't help laughing at Happy Gilmore's wisecracks.

The movie is a sports comedy about an unsuccessful ice hockey player with anger issues who takes up golf to win money to save his grandmother's house from repossession. His unorthodox hockey-type slapshot swing and colorful personality are good for golf ratings but earn him enemies.

If you enjoy one-liners, this movie offers them aplenty. Here are some "Happy Gilmore" movie quotes that present the best of Adam Sandler's dialogues.

Happy Gilmore Quotes

"I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good looking. I'm not very attractive."

"My name is Happy Gilmore. Ever since I was old enough to skate, I loved hockey. Wasn't really the greatest skater though... But that didn't stop my dad from teaching me the secret of smacking his greatest slap shot."

"During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody."

"I didn't break it, I was merely testing its durability, and I placed it in the woods cause it's made of wood and I thought he should be with his family."

"Did that go in? I wasn't watching… did it go in? I didn't see it. Could you tell me if it went in?"

"I got into this tournament for one reason: money. And now I have a new reason: kicking your ass!"

"Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant, huge ass."

"Yeah, it IS about time! I mean I just couldn't get the ball in the hole! I wanted to but I just couldn't do it!"

"That's my puck baby! Don't you ever touch my puck!"

"He shoots, he scores!

Funny Dialogues from Happy Gilmore

  • Shooter McGavin: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!
  • Happy Gilmore: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

Endless Love

  • Virginia: I thought we were just going to be friends.
  • Happy Gilmore: What? Friends listen to "Endless Love" in the dark.


  • Terry: All you ever talk about is becoming a pro hockey player, but there's a problem: you're not any good.
  • Happy Gilmore: I am good. You know what… you're a lousy kindergarten teacher. I've seen those finger-paintings you bring home and they SUCK.

Bob Barker

  • Happy Gilmore: I'd love to punch that guy in the face right now. But I can't, you know, because I'd get in trouble. I bet you get a lot of that on "Let's Make A Deal."​
  • Bob Barker: It's "The Price Is Right," Happy.​
  • Happy Gilmore: [grimaces in embarrassment] Oh, yeah. Sorry.​
  • Bob Barker: It happens. Let's play some golf.