Hans Moleman's Greatest Moments

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About Hans Moleman

Hans Moleman
Hans Moleman. TCFFC

Poor Hans Moleman is a beloved Simpsons character. His resilience is just so endearing, despite showing up in places like the grill of Mr. Burns’ car. Never mind that his driver’s license says “Ralph Melish.” Everyone in Springfield knows and loves him as Hans Moleman.

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Whipped in Ned Flanders' Bible Movie - "Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass"

Hans Moleman Whipped in Flanders' Biblical Movie
Hans Moleman loves show business. Fox, Screencap via FXNOW

With the success of The Passion of the Christ, who better to get into the Bible movie business than Ned Flanders? One of Ned’s homemade biblical epics features a whipping scene, and poor Hans Moleman is one of the extras. Given Moleman’s filmography, this is only his second most painful movie.

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Dating Aunt Selma - "Selma's Choice"

Hans Moleman Dates Aunt Selma
Even Aunt Selma Has Standards. Fox, Screencap via TheSimpsonsForever.tumblr.com

Marge’s sister Selma has a personal crisis after their Aunt Gladys dies. She starts thinking about having kids, so she starts dating the available men of Springfield. Hans Moleman isn’t the worst candidate, considering Selma has actually married Sideshow Bob and Troy McClure. But she leaves poor Moleman at the wrong house after their dinner.

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Jazz Radio Host - "'Round Springfield"

Moleman in the Morning
"Good Moleman to you". Fox, via Vimeo (Brandon Van Westen)

This emotional episode centers around the death of Lisa’s favorite musician, Bleeding Gums Murphy. A bright spot is learning one of Hans Moleman’s (seemingly many) jobs. He’s the host of Jazz radio show Moleman in the Mornings. One can imagine his soothing voice segueing neatly into jazz riffs.

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Moleman's Car Explodes - "Treehouse of Horror IV"

Hans Moleman Misses The Tree
But he's not safe yet. Fox, Screencap via Frinkiac

In a Halloween episode spoof of the classic Twilight Zone episode, Bart sees a gremlin outside the school bus. In the ensuing panic, Otto the bus driver run Hans Moleman off the road. Moleman is able to stop just short of crashing into a tree, but his care explodes anyway. 

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Driving Edgar Allan Poe's House - "Homer's Triple Bypass"

Driving Edgar Allan Poe's House
That's Hans Moleman behind the wheel. Fox, Screencap via Frinkiac

Apparently, Hans Moleman is in the transportation business too. On the road in this episode, Homer gets into a road rage incident with a surprisingly aggressive Moleman. Moleman is driving Edgar Allan Poe’s house, so when Homer runs him off the road, the whole house goes up in flames. 

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Revealing His Real Age - "Duffless"

Hans Moleman Reveals His True Age
"Drinking has ruined my life. I'm 31 years old!". Fox, Screencap via Frinkiac

When Homer loses his driver’s license after a DUI, he goes to AA where we learn the truth about Hans Moleman. Even though he hangs around with Grandpa at the Springfield Retirement Castle, and bears a wrinkled, hunched over appearance, Moleman shares, “Drinking has ruined my life. I’m 31 years old!”

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Replacing Bart - "Burns' Heir"

Hans Moleman as Bart Simpson
"It's like kissing a peanut.". Fox, Screencap via dannybrito.tumblr.com

When Mr. Burns needs an heir, he chooses Bart Simpson. Bart becomes so immersed with Mr. Burns that the Simpsons have to hire a deprogrammer to rescue him. Bart comes around on his own, and the deprogrammer accidentally brainwashes Hans Moleman into thinking he’s Bart. Homer still loves him like a son, saying kissing him is “like kissing a peanut.” Moleman’s hesitant “Cowabunga, dude” is classic!

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Gone with the Wind - "The Old Man and the C Student"

Hans Moleman spots Gone with the Wind censorship
"Didn't that movie used to have a war in it?". Fox, Screencap via Frinkiac

When Bart is forced to do community service in the Springfield Retirement Castle, he learns that the elderly people aren’t being treated very well. One of the clues is a sanitized version of Gone with the Wind shown on movie night. We see the final scene, in which Rhett’s famous final line is dubbed “I love you. Let’s remarry.” Hans Moleman is the one to tell us they cut out another part. He asks, “Didn’t that movie used to have a war in it?” before security drags him out of the room. 

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Catching on Fire - "Bart of Darkness"

Hans Moleman Catches on Fire
"You're certainly doing your job today, Mr. Sun.". Fox, Screencap via McGarnagle.com

The summer heat wave hits Hans Moleman pretty hard. Leaving the Springfield Retirement Castle in a sweat, he mutters, “You’re certainly doing your job today, Mr. Sun.” And then the sun rays ignite through his glasses like a magnifying glass and set Hans on fire. 

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Man Getting Hit By Football - "A Star Is Burns"

Hans Moleman in Man Getting hit With Football
Hans Moleman's directorial debut. Fox, Screencap via Frinkiac

At the Springfield Film Festival, Hans Moleman directed and starred in Homer’s favorite movie. It’s the classic story of a man (Moleman) who wanders outside and gets hit in the crotch with a football. Truly, Moleman knows funny. The movie was so successful that Hollywood remade it with George C. Scott, of course.