Arm Yourself With Funny Sarcastic Quotes to Make an Everlasting Impact

Barbs and Jabs Galore

Man and woman laughing in a pub

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We live in a sarcastic society. You find sarcasm everywhere. Newspaper headlines reek of sarcasm. Blog posts, status updates, and tweets are filled with sarcastic quotes. Sometimes, you hear a honeyed compliment from a not-so-good friend, only to realize later that you just got a jab of sarcasm.
Sarcasm can be an underhand compliment, a snarky retort, or a curt jibe. People often use sarcasm to vent their unhappiness. Or to hurt others. Some sarcastic comments are so subtle that you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a compliment and sarcasm.
Many famous actors and writers are known for sarcasm. Groucho Marx was admired and feared for his in-your-face comebacks. His words hardly ever missed the mark, and often kept inflated egos in check.

Mark Twain was especially famous for his witty sarcasms. He earned quite a reputation for his tongue-in-cheek jabs at educational institutions, and even religion and death. Winston Churchill and Oscar Wilde were also infamous for their famous putdowns.

Sometimes you need to put people in their place. Especially those Internet trolls, who have the 'I-can-write-whatever-I-want' attitude. When logical debates and arguments lose their sheen, you can resort to sarcasm. If you want to use sarcasm to end a pointless argument or to cut down a narcissist to size, use these funny sarcastic quotes. With a biting retort, you can have the last word, and the last laugh.

"Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them." - Walter Kerr

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." Oscar Wilde

"I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth." Janeane Garofalo

"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." Fred Allen

"A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him." Sir Winston Churchill

"After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi." P. J. O'Rourke

"Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood." Cal Thomas

"I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect." Oscar Wilde

"Don't look back — something might be gaining on you." Satchel Paige

"Don’t be so humble — you are not that great." Golda Meir

"Government is like junior high. Your status depends upon whom you're able to persecute." Jonathan Kellerman

"Have no fear of perfection — you'll never reach it." Salvador Dali

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." A. Whitney Brown

"I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year." Victor Borge

"I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes." Oscar Wilde

"I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress." Ronald Reagan

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." Fred Allen

"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." Frank Lloyd Wright

"If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you." Billy Wilder

"It is better to be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." Mark Twain

"Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect." Benny Hill

"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell." Aldous Huxley

"Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike." Oscar Wilde

"My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it." Buddy Hackett
"One of the hardest things to imagine is that you are not smarter than average." Jonathan Fuerbringer
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." Albert Einstein