24 Funny Quotes About Restaurants and Eating Out

Two mature women sharing funny restaurant quotes while at dinner

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Whether it's fast food, fast casual, full service or fine dining, humor can almost always be found in the average American restaurant experience. In addition to tasting a variety of dishes, customers experience servers, chefs, and other workers, as well as patrons at other tables. As a result, people enjoy and share humor about the U.S. restaurant industry as well as their specific dining experiences.

Restaurant Humor

For a "taste" of some comedy, check out these 24 humorous quotes shared by actors, comedians, and others: 

  1. “Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner.” Lynda Montgomery
  2. “Nouvelle cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can't believe I paid $96 and I'm still hungry.” Mike Kalin
  3. “It's easier to be faithful to a restaurant than it is to a woman.” Federico Fellini
  4. “In a restaurant, choose a table near a waiter.” Jewish Proverb
  5. “The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums.” Peter De Vries
  6. “The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” George Carlin
  7. “I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.” Paul Simon
  8. “I went to a fancy French restaurant called Deja Vu. The headwaiter said, 'Don't I know you?'” Rod Schmidt
  9. “A cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter.” Morey Amsterdam
  10. “In Pakistan, anti-American protesters set a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant on fire. The protesters mistakenly thought they were attacking high-ranking U.S. military official Colonel Sanders.” Jimmy Fallon on Saturday Night Live
  11. “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” Henry Youngman
  12. “Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them." P.G. Wodehouse
  13. “I was at this restaurant. The sign said 'Breakfast Anytime.' So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.” Steven Wright
  14. “When you go to a restaurant, the less you know about what happens in the kitchen, the more you enjoy your meal.” Jeffrey Wright
  15. “When I was a small boy, my father told me never to recommend a church or a woman to anyone. And I have found it wise never to recommend a restaurant either. Something always goes wrong with the cheese soufflé.” Edmund G. Love
  16. “A restaurant is a fantasy—a kind of living fantasy in which diners are the most important members of the cast.” Warner LeRoy
  17. “There are advantages to being a star, though. You can always get a table in a full restaurant.” Ingrid Bergman
  18. “I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, 'Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.'” Ellen DeGeneres
  19. “I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.” Erma Bombeck
  20. “The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill.” Bryan Miller
  21. “If you want a reliable tip, drive into a town, go to the nearest appliance store, and seek out the dishwasher repair man. He spends a lot of time in restaurant kitchens and usually has strong opinions about them.” Bryan Miller
  22. “I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.” Calvin Trillin
  23. “When you wait for a server in a restaurant, doesn't that make you the waiter?” Author Unknown
  24. “I went to a restaurant with the kids. The hostess said, 'How cute. Are these your kids?' I said, 'Nope. I am a representative for Trojan. These are customer complaints.'” Author Unknown