Funny Quotes About Lawsuits & Lawyers

Statue of Lady Justice against cloudy sky

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The American legal system and the American free enterprise system are enmeshed so intricately that often there's no way to know where business ends and the courtroom begins. Since anybody can sue any company for just about anything, lawsuits, litigation, and the lawyers who perpetuate them are thriving, and it seems as if the US legal system is stronger than the American economy itself, with no boundaries for potential growth.  

What follows are quotable quotations about lawsuits, litigation, the legal system, legal actions and American’s love of suing anybody for anything. These quotable quotes are arranged in no particular order.

Funny Quotations the American Legal System

David Porter

"Litigation is the basic legal right which guarantees every corporation its decade in court."

George Herbert

"A lean compromise is better than a fat lawsuit."

Lee Iacocca

"There are more lawyers in just Washington, D.C. than in all of Japan. They've got about as many lawyers as we have sumo-wrestlers."

Judge Mills Lane

"Every unfortunate event does not give rise to a lawsuit."

Addison Mizner

"Where there is a will there is a lawsuit."

Jean de la Bruyere

"Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property."

Mark Twain

“We need a law that will permit a voter to sue a candidate for breach of promise.”

Franklin P. Jones

"Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice."

Bill Maher

"Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?”

Henry Miller

"The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens."

Gavin Rossdale

"The only people who benefit from lawsuits are lawyers. I think we made a couple of them rich."

Mark Twain

"Lawyer: One who defends you at the risk of your pocketbook, reputation and life." - Eugene E. Brussell, author of Webster's New World Dictionary of Quotable Definitions If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end."

David Frost

"This is what has to be remembered about the law; beneath that cold, harsh, impersonal exterior beats a cold, harsh, impersonal heart.” - David Frost, British Journalist, TV Personality

John Adams Character in the Play "1776"

"I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress."

Evelle Younger

"An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer."

Patrick Murray

"A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.”

Fred Allen

"I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back."

Linus Torvalds

"You won't get sued for anticompetitive behavior."


"Animals have these advantages over man: They have no theologians to instruct them, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.”

Gore Vidal

"Litigation takes the place of sex at middle age." 

Jean de la Bruyere

"Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property.”

Italian Proverb

"A bad agreement is better than a good lawsuit.”


"I was never ruined but twice - once when I lost a lawsuit, once when I won one."

Addison Mizner

"Ignorance of the law excuses no man -- from practicing it." 

Italian Proverb

"A lawsuit is a fruit tree planted in a lawyer's garden."

Bill Veeck

Next to the confrontation between two highly honed batteries of lawyers, jungle warfare is a stately minuet.”

Will Rogers

"Of course, people are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers instead of their conscience be their guides."

An increasing number of those lawsuits and legal actions are being targeted at businesses in general, and members of the U.S. retail industry, in particular, these days. Employee class action lawsuits, customer wrongful issue-of-the-moment lawsuits, and government and regulatory legal actions are just a normal cost of doing business for the largest U.S. retail chains

Even when there is a lack of consumer activity on the retail sales floor, there always seems to be plenty of activity in the retail legal departments. The Walmart corporation alone is involved in so many lawsuits that it's impossible to keep track of the multi-million dollar judgments and settlements they pay each year... month... week. 

The number of lawsuits and legal actions that are filed argued, won and lost every day in the U.S. has grown so large that it’s not funny. Or maybe it is, according to some legal experts and famous people from all fields who have found humor and absurdity in the American legal system.