Humor Web Humor Funny Pick Up Lines To End Your Dating Dry Spell The best opening lines to help you break the ice... with laughter! Share PINTEREST Email Print Via Quickmeme. Humor Memes Funny Videos Holiday Humor By Mike Durrett Mike Durrett has spent more than a decade writing about comedy on the web. He's also a scriptwriter and actor with over 20 years of experience in those fields. our editorial process Mike Durrett Updated March 06, 2017 When it comes to dating, both online or off, you're only as good as your best opening line. Humor is a great icebreaker in just about any situation, including trying to get a date. Now, thanks to pick up lines like the ones below, you don't have to feel like such a schmuck when trying to finagle a date. Back in my dating years, my standard opening line was something along the lines of, "Um, I'll have the Cheeseburger Plate and a Coke." It's a miracle I ever got beyond shaking hands. Nevertheless, the following pick up lines, all culled from various internet sources, have provided incurable romantics with thousands of opening remarks to help negotiate coupling success. Beware, some of these lines are kind of naughty and/or explicit. While these quotes might be amusing to contemplate, after reading a page or two, if I ever find myself single again, I'm only dating quiet types. It just seems easier that way. Here's a sampling of some of the best icebreakers online: From Pickuplines.com: Can I buy you a drink so that I look better?Are you related to Jean-Claude Van Damme? Because Jean-Claude Van Damme you're sexy!Can I borrow your library card? I want to check you out.Hey, I'm new in town. Can I get directions to your house?I'm not good at these pick-up lines, so could I just play with your breasts?Girl, you're so hot my zipper is falling for you! From Jokes4Us: I grew up during the sixties, with the peace and love generation. If I can't get some love, I'd like to get a piece.On my last date, we played strip poker. We stripped, and I poked her.I just got out of Leavenworth. Can I steal you a drink? How about a BMW?Are you a campfire? Cause you're hot and I want s'more.We're not socks. But I think we'd make a great pair.So we're friends now, when do the benefits kick in?I know you're busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?I'm hot, can I take your pants off? If you're feeling down, can I feel you up?I'm not staring at your boobs, I'm staring at your heart.Hey Baby, I just paid off this mustache, want to take it for a ride?Guess what I'm wearing? The smile you gave me.Gurl, I'd fake blindness just to touch you inappropriately.How about you and I go into that dark room over there and see what develops?"Smile if you want to sleep with me.""You see that door over there? Let's go out."You don't need a bodyguard, you need a 'bootyguard.'Use index finger to call someone over then say, "I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand."I know hello in 6 different languages, which one do you want me to tell you tomorrow? Your eyes are as brown as the Hudson river. (Um, thank you... I think?) From Pickuplinesgalore: Your body is 65% water and I'm thirsty. Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you.Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material.Is your daddy a Baker? Because you've got some nice buns!You're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line. NEXT UP: Ready to try out some of these funny one-liners? Take a look at these hilariously weird Tinder profiles to learn what NOT to do when setting up your online dating profile. This article was updated by Beverly Jenkins on May 3, 2016.